After Spirit27 retired, his wife insisted that he accompany her on trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, Spirit found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Eventually, Spirit's dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart:

Ma'am,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor. That in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the service desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud-speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the staff passed out.

Cousins.

Yes. Fred & I spent several years together getting through 6th grade.

Back in antediluvian times, a teacher asked her class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my grandpa's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating".

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate', not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated".

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate".

Young Fredfish raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by the young man before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.

Freddie said, "My aunt Nadine has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!".

Fred's teacher sat down and cried...again.

Mrs. PlumBob (a calm and respectable lady) went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

PlumJuice replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

PlumJuice reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of PlumBob in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kid-catches-50-inch-muskie-while-bass-fishing-in-a-channel/ar-AAZeclm?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=cebdc372c2fd42698f02e529820df5b1

.....or, for that matter, any horizon.

Or...maybe there's been a lot of bleach dumped into the Tennessee River.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/boy-makes-rare-catch-that-veteran-fishing-guide-has-never-seen-before/ar-AAZ5gha?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=eb4d473fd47a4194a374bfde4b4c8e3e

OPP's well-known (yet, to be unnamed) womanizer with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood local bar and ordered a drink.

The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.

"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some cheesed-off husband wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop screwing his wife."

"So stop," the barkeep said.

"I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. "The idiot didn't sign his name "

Three biker buddies are sitting in a bar. A man, who's already heavily intoxicated, walks in, sits down and orders a drink.

The man looks around and sees the three bikers sitting at a table in a corner of the bar. He gets up, staggers over to their table, and leans over it.

Looking the biggest of the three men in the eye, the drunk man says: "I went by your grandma's house and saw her completely naked in the hallway. Man she's fine!"

The biker looks at the drunk man and doesn't say anything. His buddies look confused because people have had their faces kicked in for saying less than that to him in the past.

Leaning against the table once more, the drunk man says: "I got it on with your grandma too. She's the best I ever had!"

Still no response is received from the biker however, his buddies are now starting to get angry.

The drunk man continues: "I'll tell you something else too... your grandma loved it!"

At long last, the biker stands up and says: "Dam'mit grandpa, you're drunk! Just go home!"

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says: "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'hind lick maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it."

"Sturgeon are like sharks, in that they have a cartilaginous skeleton, and a skin instead of scales, they do however have bony protrusions called Skutes, these are what are used to determine the age of these ancient fish. They can be a hundred or more years old".

There appears to be something fishy about it.

Did you guys catch the extra photos/etc.of the sturgeon - four posts above this one of mine?

More on that sturgeon....

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/huge-100-year-old-sturgeon-caught-by-newbie-fishermen-thrown-back-in-river/ar-AAYPHl5?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=1a6fbd43c69341cd9d4255e1b065f96c