hueey wrote:
Subject: Now that I'm older:
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out. I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.
MY BROTHER BOB TELLS ME …. He ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.
I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
Marriage Counsellor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Me : To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t sing!
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.
You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
Subject: Now that I'm older: br br Don’t be worri... (
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Good ones! Unfortunately, I can relate to most of them.