In response to BF's post - she
may be related to Lorena, or she
could be a close cousin to Rabbi Rabinowitz -

Two golfers are standing next to
each other in the clubhouse men's room 'taking care of business' when one looks at the other and asks -

"Pardon me ! I know we're not acquainted, but would you by any chance know Rabbi Rabinowitz ?"

"Why yes, I do know him ! He's been
a close family friend for years ! How did you know ?"

"He's been close to my family as
well, ever since I was a little boy !
I know him very well, and I know
that the good Rabbi 'cuts' at a
slant - you've been pissing on
my shoe the whole time we've
been standing here !"

Hopefully - ALL of them !

THAT I might believe, if he had
enough smarts to qualify ! As for myself, I firmly believe that his IQ
and attention span are roughly equivalent to a 'pet rock' !

It only works lately when and if
I give myself the head slap !
Long-term memory is fine, but
short-term ? Not so much ! Need
a good back-of-the-head smack
to re-align the gears occasionally !

Hillary won't either ! Tough sh*t !

An ugly middle-aged woman walks into a bar in D.C. waving a pistol around - she stops in the middle
of the bar and hollers out -

"This is a Colt .45 semi-automatic pistol, which carries 10 rounds in
the clip and another in the chamber, and I'm looking for the woman who slept with my husband !

Another female voice from the
back of the bar hollers back at her -
"You're gonna need a lot more
ammo than that, Hillary !"

'Snowbird' or new Southern resident ?
No, wait ! I believe you may have mentioned moving to a warmer climate upon retiring a short time
ago (I think I need a Gibbs-type head slap to jog my memory nowadays),
so was it North or South Carolina ?
Either way - tight lines, buddy ! Enjoy !

Don't know - don't care !

Would that be considered
a 'Great Escape' ? I know
mine sure felt like it !

Thanks, guys ! As Jimmy Durante
used to say - "I've got a million
of 'em - a million of 'em !
Hot-cha-cha-cha-cha !"

Hi, Fred ! So ! Retirement is finally
here, huh ? GO FOR IT ! Get out there and 'Fish yo' ass off' any and every chance you get ! Best thing I found about being retired is the relief from stress caused by work schedules/
environment/deadlines/schmucks
on the job ! Took early retirement
at 62 (on disability) back in 2012 -
just passed the 10-year mark - the 'peace of mind' is such a welcome relief from all those years of daily stress !

Remember, Fred - try to get your
'Honey-dos' done during crappy weather so's you're free to fish
on the nicer days, and don't let
them bog you down when it's
time to 'wet a line' ! Congratulations, buddy ! Enjoy your retirement - you've earned it !

Four former Presidents (Reagan/
Ford/G.W. Bush/ Clinton) decide to
do a cross-country charity tour ! As they're driving through Kansas, a sudden twister picks up their limo
and drops them in Oz (where
else ?) ! After a little wandering to
get their bearings, they are brought
to the Wizard who then pulls them aside individually to ask how he can help - G.W. says he needs a heart, as his has been bothering him lately, so the Wizard grants his wish !

Mr. Ford is then pulled aside and asked the same question - he says
he gets severe headaches and would like a new brain, so his wish is also granted !

Reagan is then approached and
asks for a little more courage, and also gets his wish (hence the
"missed me" comment when the balloon burst during his speech) !

Lastly, the Wizard approaches
Clinton and asks him what he
might wish for - he hems and
haws, paws the dirt with his
foot, then looks up with a
sheepish grin and asks the
Wizard - "Is Dorothy here ?"

Was never a big fan, but I would
eat it without complaint ! Since
WWII, Spam has been a big deal on Hawai'i - they fix it a dozen different ways and for/with almost every meal !

Had two friends that I hunted and fished with (one's gone and lost
touch with the other) who would
go GA-GA over something called Scrapple (along with their dad and youngest brother) - tried it, not impressed ! I would eat it if it was served, but would never go looking
for it ! I'll stick with bacon/sausage/
ham or steak with my eggs ! (Not
a big fan of hash, either !)

Note to Stagers - used to have
a 'friends and family' rule where
those folk were protected, but
my siblings have become
exceptions to that rule !

Friends have nothing to worry
about, so long as they stay friends
and don't 'screw the pooch' (which would have to entail a MAJOR
screw-up on their part) !

Here's a little story that was posted
awhile back - will try to re-post as accurately as I can remember it !

John and Judy are high-school sweethearts - John is a young sportsman who loves hunting,
fishing, and the outdoors in
general !

After graduation and a stint in the military, he comes home and gets
into all his favorite activities ! After three more years with Judy, he
decides they should marry and proposes !

Shortly after returning from their
honeymoon, John is packing for
a combined hunting/fishing trip
with his buddies - Judy, wanting
more time and attention from
him stands quietly by, watching
him pack !

Tentatively, she asks him - "John,
would you ever consider selling off your boat or camper, or any of your guns and gear for me ?"

He looks at her, somewhat taken aback with her question, and tells
her - "Damn, Judy ! We've been
married hardly a month and you're
already starting to sound like an
ex-wife !"

"Ex-wife ? You never told me you
were married before !"

"Because I never was !"

Maybe so, but much of my humor
wouldn't be fit for any other section
of the Stage - it would end up back here, anyway ! (It would be deemed too coarse, crass, or 'off-color', for
the most part !)