1--eagles may fly,but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

#2--doing the job right the first time gets the job done.But doing it wrong 14 times gives you job security

#3--Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings.The did it by killing everyone who opposed them

#4--Who put the K in kuality?

#5--if it don;t feel right,you are feeling the wrong thing

#6--artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

#7--A person who smiles at adversity,probably has a scapegoat

#8--If you stay calm while all around you is chaos,you just don't understand the situation

#9--plagiarism saves time

#10--if at first you don't succeed,try management

#11--never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid forever

#12--teamwork means never having to take the blame yourself

#13--"notice"-these beatings will continue until morale improves

#14--never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups

#15--I waste time so that you don't have to

#16--hang in there guy,retirement is only 30 years away

#17--go the extra mile;it makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker

#18--a snooze button is better than no alarm clock at all

#19--when the going gets tough,the tough take a coffee break

#20--indecision is the key to flexibility

#21--succeed in spite of management

#22--aim low for your potential,avoid disappointment

#23--you pretend to work--we will pretend to pay you

#24--work isn't just for sleeping anymore

#25--work is a big four letter word

Bonus--he or she who laughs in the face of adversity--is obviously hammered

here's your chance to vent a little stagers
I'll start it off

being forced to close my eyes before opening a gift

truck commercials that assume i know what the word"torque"refers to

things that require a battery size other than what I have on hand

when someone knocks on your restroom stall(if it's locked bro,move on)

vanilla ice cream

trying to put the string back in my hoodie

text messages


group text messages

clicking on a 20 second video,and having to get through a 40 second commercial

people who point out my mistakes

my auto-speller correcting words like gaha(ha ha) to gaga

looking at pics that I'm not in
looking at pics that I am in

undershorts that climb into your crotch

the canned laughter on TV shows

a sink full of dishes(I have to wash them)

awakening before the alarm clock goes off
awakening when the alarm clock goes off

telephone calls late at night

telephone calls early in the AM

loud music in restaurants

malls

shopping with my wife

filing taxes

filling in the questions at Dr's offices

getting out of bed because my wife wants me to check to see if all the doors are locked(I know they are,but----)

a police car behind you on the expressway

unknown callers

being compared(to anyone)

being forgotten(stood up)

picky eaters

drivers who don't use their turn signals

and my fav hate

people who use the word "literally--literally

havin trouble huh?try these few words

Last night,I looked up at the stars and matched each one with the reasons I love you.And I was doing great until I ran out of stars

I sent an angel to watch over you,but the angel came right back.I asked why.The angel said "Angels don't watch over other angels

Give her a dozen roses--eleven real,one fake.Say to her"I will love you til the last rose dies"

Hold up eleven roses to a mirror my love,you will see the 12 most beautiful things in this world

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words.But when I see your picture,I see only three--"I love you"

If I had to choose between loving you and to stop breathing,I would use my last breath to say"I love you"

I miss you when I'm not with you.When I'm not with you,all I do is think of you.When I think of you,I want to be with you.When I'm with you,my dreams have come true

Life without you would be like a broken pencil----pointless

You are my best friend,my shoulder to lean on,the one I can always count on;you are the love of my life,you are my one and only,you are my everything

God was showing off when he created you,my love

and my favorite-----How did a loser like me ,wind up with a winner like you

kinda sickenin aren't they

BUT---


If these words don't get you outta the dog house--nothing will
believe me

My first date was so fat that the picture I took of her is still printing
She wore a yellow raincoat and people were yelling,"Taxi!"
She had more chins than a Hong Kong phone book. She put lipstick on with a paint roller
To get her through a door,you had to grease the frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side
We went swimming in the ocean and the whales sang "We are family'
She was wearing one of those x jackets and a helicopter landed on her
This gal was so fat that she didn't use the internet;she was already world wide
She stepped on a scale;the scale said"to be continued"
She tripped and fell and no one laughed,but the ground started breaking up
She was so fat that her belly button got home before she did
memories

A different perspective than the one pushed by the Greens and Politicians generally!!

How will highways be maintained?? Each state and the Federal Government levies taxes on gasoline and petroleum products!!

Interesting Take on Electric Cars

As an engineer I love the electric vehicle technology However, I have been troubled for a longtime by the fact that the electrical energy to keep the batteries charged has to come from the grid and that means more power generation and a huge increase in the distribution infrastructure.

Whether generated from coal, gas, oil, wind or sun, installed generation capacity is limited. A friend sent me the following that says it very well. You should all take a look at this short article.

IF ELECTRIC CARS DO NOT USE GASOLINE, THEY WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN PAYING A GASOLINE TAX ON EVERY GALLON THAT IS SOLD FOR AUTOMOBILES, WHICH WAS ENACTED SOME YEARS AGO TO HELP TO MAINTAIN OUR ROADS AND BRIDGES. THEY WILL USE THE ROADS, BUT WILL NOT PAY FOR THEIR MAINTENANCE!

In case you were thinking of buying hybrid or an electric car:
Ever since the advent of electric cars, the REAL cost per mile of those things has never been discussed. All you ever heard was the mpg in terms of gasoline, with nary a mention of the cost of electricity to run it. This is the first article I've ever seen and tells the story pretty much as I expected it to.

Electricity has to be one of the least efficient ways to power things yet they're being shoved down our throats. Glad somebody finally put engineering and math to paper.

At a neighborhood BBQ I was talking to a neighbor, a BC Hydro Executive. I asked him how that renewable thing was doing. He laughed, then got serious.

If you really intend to adopt electric vehicles, he pointed out, you had to face certain realities. For example, a home charging system for a Tesla requires 75 amp service. The average house is equipped with 100 amp service. On our small street (approximately 25 homes), the electrical infrastructure would be unable to carry more than three houses with a single Tesla, each. For even half the homes to have electric vehicles, the system would be wildly over-loaded.

This is the elephant in the room with electric vehicles. Our
residential infrastructure cannot bear the load. So as our genius elected officials promote this nonsense, not only are we being urged to buy these things and replace our reliable, cheap generating systems with expensive, new windmills and solar cells, but we will also have to renovate our entire delivery system! This latter "investment" will not be revealed until we're so far down this dead end road that it will be presented with an 'OOPS...!' and a shrug.

If you want to argue with a green person over cars that are
eco-friendly, just read the following. Note: If you ARE a green person, read it anyway. It's enlightening.

Eric test drove the Chevy Volt at the invitation of General Motors and he writes, "For four days in a row, the fully charged battery lasted only 25 miles before the Volt switched to the reserve gasoline engine. Eric calculated the car got 30 mpg including the 25 miles it ran
on the battery. So, the range including the 9-gallon gas tank and the 16 kwh battery is approximately 270 miles.

It will take you 4.5 hours to drive 270 miles at 60 mph. Then add 10 hours to charge the battery and you have a total trip time of 14.5 hours. In a typical road trip your average speed (including charging time) would be 20 mph.

According to General Motors, the Volt battery holds 16 kwh of electricity. It takes a full 10 hours to charge a drained battery. The cost for the electricity to charge the Volt is never mentioned, so I looked up what I pay for electricity.

I pay approximately (it varies with amount used and the seasons) $1.16 per kwh. 16 kwh x $1.16 per kwh = $18.56 to charge the battery.
$18.56 per charge divided by 25 miles = $0.74 per mile to operate the Volt using the battery.

Compare this to a similar size car with a gasoline engine that gets only 32 mpg. $3.19 per gallon divided by 32 Mpg = $0.10 per mile.

The gasoline powered car costs about $25,000 while the Volt costs $46,000 plus. So the Canadian Government wants loyal Canadians not to do the math, but simply pay twice as much for a car, that costs more than seven times as much to run, and takes three times longer to drive across the country.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Everyone has a photographic memory...some don't have film.

A day without sunshine is like, well...night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable...except from a vending machine.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

He's not dead, he's electro-encephalographically challenged.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Pardon my driving, I am reloading.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its' burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to- end, some one would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

You can't have everything...where would you put it all?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it!

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it!

My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. (BadBobby?)

I finally got my head together...now my body is falling apart.

Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

All reports are in...life is now officially unfair.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

Some days you're the dog...some days you're the hydrant.

I wish the buck stopped here...I sure could use a few.

Accidents in the back seat caused kids.

Now, kids in the back seat cause accidents.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere!

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.

Funny, I don't remember being...absent minded. :roll:

My good compatriot paf was great at giving us fine poetry
well here is one I;m sure he will appreciate
I do think it has real character
Its about three boys-Ray ,(Who wrote it),Neil and Roy

" Farm boys can be cowboys"


When I was thirteen,dad bought a ranch,to raise cattle to feed out on the farm
he wanted to keep three boys busy and out of harm

sand burs were thick,and so hot in the summer you would nearly bake
on the ranch we raised turkeys,hogs and cattle,quite a difference I'd say

some cowboys and girls rode in wearing high heeled boots ,levis and cowboy hats
there I stood ,wearing work shoes,bib overalls and a stocking cap

I rode to town,,I couldn't afford boots,so I bought levis and a cowboy hat
my billfold was flat,I was going to be a cowboy right off the bat

now cowboys gotta ride and rope anything that bucks,they sure are tough
we started out riding cows<Neil said "lets put a saddle on a cow'
so we saddled up a big tall cow,we were going to find out right now

we tied the saddle strings under her tail to keep the saddle from going over her head
"If you get in that saddle,you are outta your head(Roy said)

I looked at that saddle ,it was kinda leaning downhill
I say,"no way I put my butt in that saddle",Neil says "I will'

When we cut the cow loose,she tried to jump over the moon
came down bucking and bawling,we thought Neil would jump off soon

we stood there with our mouths open like we were catching flies
the trouncing Neil was getting,we couldn't believe our eyes

we heard a rip and a tear,Neil flew off,landing on his head
he just lay there in the manure,like he was dead

Roy wiped Neils skinned up face,and Neil opened one eye
all he said was"that saddle horn run through the buttons on my fly

when we found out why he didn't jump off ,we had to laugh
Neil wasn't in shape right then or he would have broke us in half

with his new levis half torn off,we asked him where he hurt
his shirt was ripped,he says"Where do you damn fools suppose I hurt"?

Neil went over to the tank,washed his hands and skinned up face
getting bucked off that cow sure weren't no disgrace

Roy an i had a mad cow to unsaddle,she would look at that saddle on her back
then look at us,she was ready to fight,her eyes were black

if she wants to take us when we turn her loose,make a run for the gate
Roy was first,Ray was second,I was almost too late

(Raymond R. Whacker)









and here's what my departed friend replied


pafret
Great poem Bob. In the style of the mock heroic epic. In stead of a sword with illustrious ancient lineage you've got cowboy boots, chaps, spurs and hat. Instead of battling the Cyclops, Scylla, Charybdis or the Minotaur the hero conquers the mad cow. Jason and the Argonauts never had such great adventure, it only lacked a lightning bolt from the heavens to finish the tale.