An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, a master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's replied "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and the man's wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

I am over 90(quite q a lot actually)and the government thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.
If you are over 42 you can't join the military.They have it backasswards.

Instead of sending 18 and 19 year olds out to fight the enemy,they should take us old guys.
Old guys my age only think about sex once or twice a day,leaving us with 28,000 additional seconds to wreak jihade on the enemy.
Young guys think about sex every 10 seconds,which obviously means they lack the concentration they need to properly engage the enemy.
Also the young guys haven't lived long enoughto get really cranky,and a really cranky soldier is a really good soldier.
"My back aches,I can't sleep,I'm tired and hungry".
Old guys are bad tempered and impatient,and letting us kill some jihadists will make us feel better and quit bitching for a while.


Young guys don't like to get out of bed before 10 0r 11 oclock AM.
Us old guys have to get up early in the AM to pee,besides we can't sleep,and are tired of bed,and since we are already up,we may as well be out killing some fanatical SOB.

If captured,we couldn't spill the beans,because we would have forgotten where we put them in the first place.
In fact,name rank and serial number would be a real bitch to remember.

Boot Camp would be easier for old guys(a lot of us would have been there done that),we are already used to being yelled and screamed at,and we are used to soft food.We have developed appreciation for guns(hunting,Target practice and such).We have used them for years as an excuse to get out of the house,away from all that screaming and yelling.

They might have to lighten up on the obstacle course though.A lot of us old guys have been in combat before,I doubt if any of us ever saw a 20 foot high wall with a rope hanging over the side.
Nor did we ever do push ups after getting out of boot camp.
That running part is a waste of time too--you cain't out run a bullet!


An 18 0r a 19 year old has the whole world in front of him.He's still learning to shave,to start a conversation with an attractive girl.
He hasn't even figured out that a base ball cap has a brim to shade his eyes,not the back of hi head.

These are great reasons to keep our kids at home,to learn a little about life,before sending them to harms way.

Let us old guys track down the terrorists.The very last thing the enemy would want to see,is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons;
who know that their best years are behind them.

Another Idea--recruiting women over 50 for the border guard?
You think us old guys have bad attitudes?
Just consider an elderly woman with menopause(OH,My God!)
They would have the border secured the first night