I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.

If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.

Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven?

Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers; the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A crow has only 16. Therefore, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied. "That's not just any old lizard ... he's a stand-up chameleon."

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it, but nobody saw it.

Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song, but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court ....... it was a brief case.

How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.

My friend said she wouldn't eat a cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. So, I gave her an egg.

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King, but he made a great ruler.

Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg and tomorrow romaines to be seen.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right ....... Jack and the beans talk.

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You probably have not heard of herbivore.

I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.

Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. You guessed it ......... the steaks were pretty high.

I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.

I once dated a girl who broke up with me because I only have 8 toes. Yes, she was lack-toes intolerant.

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

Good morning all.
We've made it half way through February. Its 18° now but heading toward 48° this afternoon. We're supposed to get wind and rain.


A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing...

They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says "Please don't kill me! Spare my life and I'll grant you all a wish!"

The German throws the fish back and says "I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty", and immediately a foaming mug of ice-cold German ale appears in his hand. He takes a long swig and when he puts it down, it's still miraculously full! The Frenchman and Englishman are, of course, amazed.

"I wish," said the Frenchman, "For a wall to be built around France, ten miles high and ten miles thick, so that nobody can get in and nobody can get out."

The fish screws up its eyes in concentration for a moment then says. "Done! And what do you want?"

"Is there a wall around France?" asks the Englishman

"Yes." replies the fish.

"Is it ten miles high and ten miles thick?"

"Yes."

"And can nobody get in, and nobody get out?"

"Yes."

"Well then," says the Englishman, "I want you to fill it with water."


Have a great day folks!

We recorded it and put an hour extention on it and during OT before the 49ers even made a FG, the recording STOPPED ! We didn't even get to see the rest of the game ! LOL.

Ezra is 9 years old and lives in Bellingham, Wa. He was born with a heart valve that was too small. He has reached the point where he has to have surgery so that his heart will pump enough blood to meet his body’s needs. This will be the first of several surgeries he has to have before his heart and body are fully developed. Ezra is my great grandson. I am asking you my Stage family to please help us pray for a successful outcome to all of this. I want the chance to take this boy fishing. Surgery is February 27th…. Thank you and God Bless each and every one of you.