Jer Loc: N. Illinois 🇺🇸

I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillionaire.

If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.

Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven?

Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers; the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A crow has only 16. Therefore, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied. "That's not just any old lizard ... he's a stand-up chameleon."

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it, but nobody saw it.

Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song, but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court ....... it was a brief case.

How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.

My friend said she wouldn't eat a cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. So, I gave her an egg.

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King, but he made a great ruler.

Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg and tomorrow romaines to be seen.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right ....... Jack and the beans talk.

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You probably have not heard of herbivore.

I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.

Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. You guessed it ......... the steaks were pretty high.

I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.

I once dated a girl who broke up with me because I only have 8 toes. Yes, she was lack-toes intolerant.

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

EasternOZ Loc: Kansas City Metro

LOL

OJdidit Loc: Oak Creek Wisconsin

Those are good Jer!

Billycrap2 Loc: Mason county,W(BY GOD) Virginia, 🇺🇸🦅

🤣🤣🤣🤣👍🏽 love that one about lightning ⚡️🤣🤣🤣
Thank Jer all good ones for a Humpday 🤣🤣

Jer Loc: N. Illinois 🇺🇸

Thanks OJ.

Feel free to add on😀

Jer Loc: N. Illinois 🇺🇸

👍👍👍
Please ad on to this.

plumbob Loc: New Windsor Maryland

Good ones there Jer. here are a few more.


I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran.

Jer Loc: N. Illinois 🇺🇸

Excellent additions. Thanks Plum.

Retrieverman390

Great stuff, thanks!

Dakoda Loc: Cle Elum, WA

There is some smart folks out there

Jer Loc: N. Illinois 🇺🇸

The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents!

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time.

mistred64 Loc: Grayslake, illinois

So bad it's so funny.

Gordon Loc: Charleston South Carolina

funny

ShortorderCook62 Loc: Grand Junction, Colorado

Clever, Jer. Y'all are smart, weird and cute. Makes me both wonder and laugh. Thanks!

Bcmech1 Loc: Clinton Wisconsin

I ran into the back of a car at a stop light and this dwarf jumps out and storms back to my window. He said I'm not happy! So I asked which one he was.

A husband comes home from work at the pickle factory one evening and tells his wife he got fired for sticking his manhood in the pickle slicer. She hysterically asks if he is OK. Yes I'm fine he replied. Then she asked if anything happened to the pickle slicer. He said she got fired also.