A DEA officer arrived at Wulffy's house while he was washing his car in the driveway. "I'm from the DEA and I'm here to check behind your house for illegal activity. Wulffy said okay, but I wouldn't go back there if I were you."

The officer was angry. "You see this badge, it means I can go anywhere I want. Okay, Wulffy said. A few minutes later, Wulffy heard screaming from the back yard. "Help, this bear is trying to kill me," the officer said.

"Show him your badge," Wullfy said.

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic.....
And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary, prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:
"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

Well, things went well today, 80*, a few sprinkles, a little wind, it was great. Only 4 showed up for the pontoon ride, but that was just right. We didn't want all 9 to show up. Talk is cheap when you have a few barley pops in you. Very few people on the river, probably due to the weather forecast. It was a very good day for a couple of old farts.

So, your bedtime story:

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money...
Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't! worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting drunker and drunker, all for free.

At the tenth pub, Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!'



Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub


Oh, this is a nasty one, sorry.