Plum and Wulfy find themselves in the Big Apple, NYC, Manhattan Island...the gustatory capital of the world according to Mr. RJ Samples. It's Fleetweek and Plum wants to see all the planes on the Intrepid docked in the Hudson. After checking out the Intrepid, South St. Seaport, Times Square and half the bars in NYC they run into Kandy and ask her where there's a good place to get something to eat. She sends them to the world famous Carnegie Deli. Plum says to Wulf, "What are you going to have?" Wulf says "I think I'll have a tongue sandwich." Plum says "That's disgusting, eating something out of a cow's mouth." "I'll have and egg sandwich."

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and
I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang.

The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around and screamed, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?

Just this past week I ( plumbob ), was laying there in my bed what felt like my dying days were here. While suffering agonies on my way to my hopefully heavenly final destination, I suddenly smell the aroma of my favorite scones wafting up the stairs that stuco hand delivered.

I gathered my remaining strength, and lifted myself from the bed.

Leaning on the wall, I slowly made my way out of the bedroom, gripping the wall, I slowly make it to the kitchen.

There, piled on a tray were my favorite scones. Was it heaven? I better call ghaynes and ask him after all it was dinner time.

Or was it one final act of love from my devoted wife of twenty sixty years, ( plumjuice ), seeing to it that I left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, I threw myself towards the table, landing on my knees in rumpled posture.

Being aged and withered my hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table.

When out of nowhere i was suddenly smacked by my bride with a wooden spoon……

Back off plumjuice said, " they're for Your Funeral."




One hot summers day in Kansas City 3 contractors Randyhartford, Rutinbuck, and Eastern Oz
had run out of bottled water.

The foreman Oz unwillingly drew the short straw to knock on the door of the 1 house on the block that is finished and occupied with a grumpy Bad Fisherman occupant.

They tell their story to the old coot about how hot it is and they have been working all of 2 hours already.

Having a kind heart although grumpy, BF invited them in.

The crew by Randy's direction sat the kitchen table to ensure the sofa stays clean. BF goes to the kitchen to gather up glasses and ice and make them drinks.

Meanwhile, Rut points out that there is a bowl of peanuts on the center of the table, and all 3 begin munching away.

Upon BF’s return all 3 start to blush and Oz says, "Sorry Sir, we got a little carried away and ate all your peanuts while we were waiting."

"OH, that's quite alright," says BF. "They are too hard for my weary jaw and teeth anyway.

I just like to take my dentures out and suck the chocolate off of them."




Catfish Hunter once said he once saw a bear while on one of his guided tours ( most likely was a cub ) and high tailed it out of the woods.

He started running toward the camp at full speed. ( For him that was a good 1mph )

After around a mile, he looked back and the bear, who was just a feet away from him, slipped all of sudden.

This allowed Cat to gain some distance from the bear.

After around another mile, ( now down to .5mph ) looked back and the bear, who was closing the distance slipped once again.

This kept happening until he reached the campgrounds. And that's how he survived the bear chasing him for nearly 3 miles.

Fellow camper Hunt22 knows not to go into the woods alone and being a renown hunter himself is in awe of Cats harrowing story.

Hunt tells Cat that was really great that he would have probably peed his pants.

Cat huffing and puffing with sweat upon his brow says to Hunt:

Now you know why the bear kept slipping. "

One morning not long ago after a particularly rowdy company party Fredfish woke up with his head feeling about two sizes bigger. As he looked around the room he noticed that it was spotlessly clean and there was a glass of water with two aspirin sitting next to a small vase with a beautiful red rose in it. He took the aspirin and proceeded to the bathroom. It too was spotless and as he looked in the mirror he noticed his right eye was swollen almost shut and black as night. It was then he saw a note taped to the mirror with little hearts drawn on it and the imprint of his wife’s lips in her lip stick. The note read, “My darling Fred, I have gone to the market for groceries but your breakfast is hot and waiting for you downstairs. I’ll be home later. I love you dear!” Very puzzled and remembering nothing Fred makes his way to the kitchen, noticing on the way how neat and clean the house is. After getting to the kitchen he sees his favorite breakfast already set for him complete with a steaming mug of fresh coffee. His 16 year old son is also at the table just finishing his breakfast so Fred asked, “Son what’s going on? Everything is so neat and clean and breakfast waiting for me and a love note from your mom. What happened last night?” “You must not remember anything.” said Fred Jr. “When you got home last night you were so wasted you crashed into the coffee table and broke it to pieces, then you puked all over the floor. When you got up you slipped and fell into the door which is how you got that black eye. Then after you finally made it to the bedroom mom was trying to get your pants off and you yelled at her, Leave me alone I’m married!”