OK, Bob; it’s a LOOOONG one…
The Hairlip Toothbrush Salesman
Once upon a time, there was a young man named Ned, with a “hairlip”. He was born with this speech impediment, and had barely managed to finish High School -
not so much from his speech issue, but more because of his lack of confidence, because of it. He DID get married, but had never tried to get a job, due to his low esteem and inferior feelings. For years, he read the “Help Wanted” ads in the newspapers, but just could never work up the courage to call on any of them.
Well, one morning he was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the want ads and drinking coffee with his wife, before she headed off to work. Suddenly his eyes lit up as he grabbed his newspaper and sat up straight in his chair! His wife looked at him and said, “What is it Ned?” Without taking his eyes off the paper, he replied, with excitement in his voice, “Thereth a
thyob openink for ah toothbwuth thelthman!”
His wife, not wanting to diminish Ned’s apparent new found confidence, said, “Oh really; let me see.” So she read the ad out loud: “One additional, energetic, salesman needed to sell toothbrushes. Must be team oriented and able to start immediately! If this sounds like you, come to our office at 100 Broadway at 5:00 on Friday afternoon for an interview”. She looked up from the paper and said, “Well…” - but before she could say another word, Ned interrupted with “I’m thyur I can do-wit!” After a slight hesitation, Ned’s wife says “OK”.
So…f-i-n-a-l-l-y
Friday afternoon arrives and Ned heads downtown for his much-anticipated job interview. Not wanting to be late, Ned has arrived a bit early, but goes on in anyway.
Upon entering, a professional looking man notices him and approaches Ned and asks, “Are you here to interview for the salesman job?” Ned quickly extends his hand and says, “Yeth thir! My name ith Ned!” The man looks at him closely and says, “Well…uhh… since you’re here early, why don’t you go ahead and come on in to the conference room here and meet our three salesmen; they just call me “Boss”.
As they walk down the hall to the conference room, Boss explains to Ned that they always meet after work on Friday to bring in their receipts for the week and share their results on how well each has done with their number of sales.
So.., they enter the conference room and Boss introduces Ned to the guys and tells Ned to just have a seat for their short meeting and they can talk afterwards. With that, Boss goes to the head of the conference table and asks, “How did you guys do this week?” Ted stands up and says, “I sold 650 toothbrushes!”
Everyone claps, and Boss says, “Good job, Ted”. Then Ed stands up and shouts, “I sold 800 toothbrushes this week!” “Super job, Ed!”, exclaims Boss, and everyone claps.
“How about you, Fred? How’d you do?” “I HAD A PERSONAL BEST WEEK WITH 1000 TOOTHBRUSHES!”, screams Fred. “That is awesome!”, yells Boss, and everybody cheers.
So… Boss ends the meeting with a hardy “GREAT JOB, GUYS! - see y’all next Friday.
As the three salesmen leave the room, Boss walks over to where Ned is sitting, and with a serious look on his face, sits down beside him and says, “Well, Ned -
thank you for coming down today, and I’m glad you got to see what we do and all. I don’t mean to sound mean or rude, but this is a sales job, where you have to meet and TALK TO a lot of people, and I, uhhh, noticed, you have a slight speech … uhhh… impediment, so…
this may not be quite the… uhhh…perfect job for you.
“Oh I’m thure Icun do-wit Bauth”, Ned says. “Juth gimme a chanth”, he pleads, with a small tear in his eye. Well… Boss can’t stand to see a grown man cry, so he says, “Alright - I’ll give you a week and see how it goes”, and sends him off with a large case of toothbrushes, letting him know where to pick up more, at the supply house, if needed.
A week goes by, and they meet back at the same conference room…
Boss opens the meeting saying, “Well guys, as you can see, we have a new salesman on the team - Ned, who was here last week. Please make him feel welcome…”
(Everyone claps)
“Who wants to start this week?”, Boss asks. Ed jumps up a yells, “I SET A NEW RECORD FOR MYSELF, WITH 1000 TOOTHBRUSHES!!”
“WOW!”, shouts Boss, and everyone claps real loud. Ted stands up next and says, “Well, I did a little better than last week - I sold 690. Next, Fred stands and says, “I just missed my last week’s personal record - I sold 990 this week. Then Boss takes a deep breath and says, “Well Ned, how’d you do on your first week?” In a voice barely more than a whisper, Ned says “I thold fif-ny.
For a few seconds, you could hear a pin drop, but Boss finally breaks the silence, saying “OK, it was your first week; I’m sure you’ll do better next week”. With that they start leaving, but Boss motions for Ned to wait up, and tells him, “Ned, this may not be the best job for you. I know you’re trying, but at this rate you’re gonna starve. Have you thought about a job where you aren’t working in sales, face to face?”
Ned quickly replies,
“Juth gimme one mowa twy; I pwomith awl do bether, Bawth!”
So Boss says “OK” and sends him off to work.
A week goes by, and they meet back at the same conference room…
Same scenario -
Except, this week Fred blows his record away with 1500 toothbrushes!
Ted beats his previous week, with 700, and Ed drops off a little, but still sells 950. Then Boss says, “Ned, with a week under your belt, did your experience pay off?” Ned slowly stands up and says,
“I owney thold thibinty-fife, Bauth”. Again a long silence, then Boss says, “Well, have a good week, guys; could I have a word with you, Ned?” Ted, Ed, and Fred leave the room as Boss walks slowly towards Ned, where he’s sitting with his head hanging over. “What do ya’ think, Ned?”, Boss asks softly. Ned perks up a little, looks at Boss with tears in his eyes and says pleading, “Juth gif me one mowa chanth, Bauth. I pwaumuth I ‘ll do
bether thith time…”.
Boss looks Ted in the eye and says, “I’ll give you ONE more week, because I REALLY think you’re trying to do your best, but if your sales don’t improve dramatically, I’ll have to let you go cause you’re not doing yourself any favors by not making any money.
You need to figure out some kind of technique that will work for you to make more sales!”
“I do-wit Bauth - awl git a tek-neek foe thyur, Bauth. Tank you tho muchth!
And off he went..
Another week goes by and they meet back at the same conference room…
Same scenario:
Boss starts the meeting with: “Well guys; how did y’all do this week?” Ted jumps up first and screams, “NEW RECORD FOR ANY TEAM MEMBER!!
TWO THOUSAND TOOTHBRUSHES!
Everyone is clapping loudly as Ed pops up and says, “Not - so -fast
buddy. I sold two thousand ONE HUNDRED!” The room explodes with cheering! Fred slowly stands up, clears his throat and states, “I sold two thousand Five hundred, and beat you all! Again the room erupts with laughter, applause, and cheering. Then the room suddenly goes dead quiet. There is a long uncomfortable pause before Boss finally realizes he has to ask the question… “Well…uh …Ned… how many did you sell this week?” Another pause, then Ned says, “Fifny thalthund”. The room goes completely silent!
Then Boss yells, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” Ned says, “Fif-nee thalth-und
Toof-brutheth!”
“How on EARTH did you sell FIFTY THOUSAND TOOTHBRUSHE,S??!
Ned calmly says,
“Will, ya’ know, ya’ thed t’ git a tek-neek, thoe I did.
I thet up a tabel at thu ayerport n put thum chip n dip on thu tabel with a thine thet thed free chip n dip. Win thu folkth got off thu plane, they take thu chip, put it ian thu dip, n they say,
THITH TAYTH LIKE
THYIT! I telem THAT ITH THYIT, wanna buy a toothbruth??
OK, Bob; it’s a LOOOONG one… br br The Hairlip To... (
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