1. THINGY (thing-ee) n
Female.. Any part under a car's hood.
Male....... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...... Playing football without a protective cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni- kay-shon)
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female.. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male..... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter- tayn-ment) n.
Female... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male..... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...... Call it wh**ever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND

He said..... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said.... You wear pants, don't you?

He said..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said.... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said.... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Hack 🇺🇸🍺🍺

Due to my time alone, I finished three books yesterday. And believe me, that’s a lot of coloring.

What did our parents do to k**l boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.

I tried donating blood today…NEVER AGAIN! Too many stupid questions:
Who’s blood is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket

When I offer to wash your back in the shower, all you have to say is ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
Not all this “Who are you and how did you get in here?” nonsense.

Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it. It took a lot longer than I thought it would.

Struggling to get your wife’s attention? Just sit down and look comfortable.

Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time.

I grew up with Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now there’s no jobs, no cash, and no hope. Please don’t let anything happen to Kevin Bacon.

Shoutout to everyone who can still remember their childhood phone number but can’t remember the password they created yesterday. You are my people.

One minute you’re young and fun. And next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Think you’re old and you will be old. Think you are young, and you will be delusional.

There’s nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and you think, “They are going to find me naked.”

Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave—I say I’m having a very good day.

I don’t know about these things, but hey, I just post ‘em, I don’t write ‘em!
Hack 🇺🇸🍺🍺

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