The neighbors have been complaining that my dog has been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.
This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that's where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work.
So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face.
I began coughing, which only caused the dang collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the darn dog is barking. So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.
I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that sucker across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so dang hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like Eau de' Tiki Torch.
Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that:
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
Even though this does sound like some semi intelligent I'd do, I do not have a 4 legged pal.
flyguy
Loc: Lake Onalaska, Sunfish Capitol of the World!
I hope your wife was shopping, at work, out of town or at least no where near you. She would have taken your picture with the collor on and rolling on the ground. Are you sure your neighbor didn't. Ya, know, OZ, you go to he!! for lying.
I think most people would not disclose that story.
You should write a book of short stories! I love it.
Wow, Oz! Too strangely reminiscent of my skunk fiasco
as a kid, only mine wasn't self-inflicted ! Kudos, buddy ! It takes real grit to not only laugh at your own misfortune, but even more
so to put it out there for all your friends' amusement ! At least yours will wash off quickly !
Sister found it and sent it too me had to pass it on, she said it was from fb and I do not do fb.
To all that have commented your all right.
I am sitting here concerned and trying by best to come up with something not to hurt your feelings or to say something consoling for your misfortunate accident. I Got Nothing.
LMBO
plumbob wrote:
I am sitting here concerned and trying by best to come up with something not to hurt your feelings or to say something consoling for your misfortunate accident. I Got Nothing.
LMBO
Yeah butter me up now huh? lol
EasternOZ wrote:
Yeah butter me up now huh? lol
Can't reply right now, keyboard keeps moving and we aint in quake country.
I will, because its soup and sandwich night for dinner and soup doesn't go with what I have on. Might even have an ORANGE for dessert.
EasternOZ wrote:
Will what?
What do you have on?
I will quit laughing so hard.
White shirt doesn't look good with soup on it.
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