A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
“Blind man driving.”

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
will take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push.”

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.”

And the best one for last…;
shove a hankerchief in your mouth
that's always good for a gag

More for the Ol' Feller....

1) How do you catch a unique rabbit? (Unique up on it.)
2) How do catch a tame rabbit? (Tame way. Unique up on it.)
3) How do crazy people go through the forest? (They take the psycho path.)
4) How do you get holy water? (You boil the Hell out of it.)
5) What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? (Dam!)
6) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? (Polaroids.)
7) What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? (A stick.)
8) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? (Nacho cheese.)
9) What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand. (Quatro sinko.)
10) What do you call Santa's helpers? (Subordinate Clauses.)
11) What do you get from a pampered cow? (Spoiled milk.)
12) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? (Frostbite.)
13) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? (A nervous wreck.)
14) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? (Anyone can roast beef.)
15) What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? (Sanka.)

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
“Blind man driving.”

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and
will take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push.”

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.”

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.”

And the best one for last…;
shove a hankerchief in your mouth
that's always good for a gag