One Liners
I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - so she hugged me.
She says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else.
The officer said, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to see your resume.
Oops, did I roll my eyes out loud?
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my Wife. She seems nice.
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
Hack๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Measure once, cuss twice.
My dream job would be driving the karma bus.
THINK! (It's not illegal ... YET)
I don't care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.
The world's best antidepressant has four legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.
florida
Loc: Southwest Florida/ Virginia
WOW, SOOO many sooo true, but we are still here to enjoy and laugh at them. Thanks
hacksaw wrote:
One Liners
I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - so she hugged me.
She says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else.
The officer said, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to see your resume.
Oops, did I roll my eyes out loud?
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my Wife. She seems nice.
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
Hack๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Measure once, cuss twice.
My dream job would be driving the karma bus.
THINK! (It's not illegal ... YET)
I don't care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.
The world's best antidepressant has four legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.
One Liners br br I used to be able to do cartwhee... (
show quote)
some of them sure hit home,thanks Hack your on a roll..
Those are great Hack, thanks!
Thanks Mongoose. Thatโs great!
Hack ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
Jer
Loc: N. Illinois ๐บ๐ธ
hacksaw wrote:
One Liners
I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - so she hugged me.
She says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else.
The officer said, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to see your resume.
Oops, did I roll my eyes out loud?
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my Wife. She seems nice.
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
Hack๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Measure once, cuss twice.
My dream job would be driving the karma bus.
THINK! (It's not illegal ... YET)
I don't care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.
The world's best antidepressant has four legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.
One Liners br br I used to be able to do cartwhee... (
show quote)
Very good. Iโll have to steal some.
๐ฅ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ
Jer wrote:
Very good. Iโll have to steal some.
๐ฅ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ
Youโre welcome to any you want Jer.
Hack ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
flyguy
Loc: Lake Onalaska, Sunfish Capitol of the World!
hacksaw wrote:
One Liners
I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - so she hugged me.
She says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else.
The officer said, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to see your resume.
Oops, did I roll my eyes out loud?
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my Wife. She seems nice.
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
Hack๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Measure once, cuss twice.
My dream job would be driving the karma bus.
THINK! (It's not illegal ... YET)
I don't care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.
The world's best antidepressant has four legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.
One Liners br br I used to be able to do cartwhee... (
show quote)
Thanks for sharing, Hack, they were great.
flyguy wrote:
Thanks for sharing, Hack, they were great.
Youโre welcome fly. Glad you enjoyed them.
Hack ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
made me smile with those thanks
dbed
Loc: POMME DE TERRE LAKE MISSOURI
Good ones Hack but I wish you wouldn't talk about me
hacksaw wrote:
One Liners
I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - so she hugged me.
She says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else.
The officer said, "You drinking?" I said, "You buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
A dog accepts you as the boss. A cat wants to see your resume.
Oops, did I roll my eyes out loud?
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my Wife. She seems nice.
I won't be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Some people call me crazy. I prefer happy with a twist.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
Hack๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ฆ
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Measure once, cuss twice.
My dream job would be driving the karma bus.
THINK! (It's not illegal ... YET)
I don't care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.
The world's best antidepressant has four legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you're happy and you know it, it's your meds.
One Liners br br I used to be able to do cartwhee... (
show quote)
Those were all beauties Hack, especially enjoyed the ones about dogs. So very true.
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