badbobby Loc: Humble Texas

Dear Staff,

ATTIRE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a SlimFast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

SURGERY: As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week!
MANAGEMENT

Big A Loc: Mesa, Arizona

This is NOT a political post - it is merely the best photo I could find
relevant to thread - the signs could just as easily say - 'MANAGEMENT'
over 'STAFF' to show where you
stand in the 'pecking order' of your company/business !

plumbob Loc: New Windsor Maryland

Personal days? You got personal days?

Pixiedog456005 Loc: Maryland

A different way to go...
I liked it.
Thx

Apollo Loc: Grand Lake, Ok

BB, did you work in HR at my last company? Sure sounds familiar...

Billycrap2 Loc: Mason county,W(BY GOD) Virginia, 🇺🇸🦅

Well Thank god I would be like Johnny Paycheck FAMOUSLY WORD ( TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT) I Ain’t working here no more 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jarheadfishnfool Loc: Woodlake/Tulare ,Ca.

Great laughs sir, toilet time is way overated !!! Dressing for work ,right on the button, all's we have to do is be neat,,,, Thanks for Sunday humor,,,,,,

Slimshady Loc: Central Pennsylvania

I worked for that company for 23 years

badbobby Loc: Humble Texas

guess so plum
since I took everything personal

badbobby Loc: Humble Texas

et tu Slim???

badbobby Loc: Humble Texas

guess I spent a few seconds more than most employees
maybe that's why no raises in the last five years of my employment
at least every one knew who I was

Pixiedog456005 Loc: Maryland

Did they teach this at business school?

mistred64 Loc: Grayslake, illinois

I never got a personal day. Wanna get paid? You work, even Saturdays.

Barnacles Loc: Northern California

.

Barnacles Loc: Northern California

ADDENDUM TO EMPLOYEE'S HANDBOOK:

Bereavement leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing that you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.