Kerry Hansen Loc: Bremerton, WA

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.


**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, husband knows everything.


And Last But Not Least The Statement of the Century
A Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker.

Billy Connolly -
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

Able Man Loc: North Coast (Cleveland, Ohio)

Yeah, Mr. Hansen; I like Connolly's way of "looking at that problem" (although, in all my 62+ years, I THINK, that I have only heard that ONCE.) {"Not NOW; I have a headache."} ... Go figure. I guess it'd BE a "valid reason", ... Once in a real-live "blue moon"!

Gordon Loc: Charleston South Carolina

All good ones. Thanks for the laugh.

Mauwehu Loc: Norwalk Ct

And.....
Lost Dog.
Has 1/2 a tail, one eye, missing leg. Answers to the name Lucky.