Doug Lemmon Loc: Rochester Mills, PA

The Self-Cleaning Gene Pool:

Eighth Place
In Chicago, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who was "totally zoned when he ran,"
accidentally off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the
wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying
to get him out, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was k**led as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to
keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was k**led as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked
into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers
and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be
robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns
and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy
revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 a.m. so they lit a
quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they
failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses
of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground
where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung
on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves-S**t happens.

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES
FROM THE GENE POOL.

OJdidit Loc: Oak Creek Wisconsin

Thinning the herd...one at a time.

Graywulff Loc: Cortez,Co.

And in each case out of a hundred million sperm that's the one that got thru. Wow, I kind of think STUPID is more p******c than this new v***s. Thanks Doug

Sinner Loc: witness protection program

I got married once, does that count?

Big dog Loc: Bayshore, Long Island, New York

Just gotta love the Darwin awards 👍👍

Ivey Loc: South Central Tennessee, Tim's Ford Lake

For many years I worked as the Range Safety Officer on a missile firing range, one of my duties was to review all accidental deaths on other ranges all over the world to assure the same accident never happened at ours. One of the reports was of a man k**led that worked on a missile firing range somewhere out west I think it was White Sands Missile Range. The gentleman had stole 2 Zuni rocket motors, 8' long and 16" in diameter and somehow attached them to the top of his 72 Impala. He ignited the motors and and was off. Incident report mentioned long tire marks on the road about 2 miles from where he ignited the rocket motors, that ran over 1000 yards where they assumed he had applied his breaks until they burned completely up. His car was found impaled 23 ft. up the side of a cliff where the length of the car had been crushed down to about 5 ft. The last words he said were recorded as being "hay guys, watch this". Sad but this is a true story I read myself.

Graywulff Loc: Cortez,Co.

Only in New Mexico.

Gordon Loc: Charleston South Carolina

Good ones. Im glad I don't hang around those kind of people.

sikorge Loc: Post Falls, Idaho

Sometimes the Gene Pool needs an application of Bleach every now and then ...

Graywulff Loc: Cortez,Co.

Welcome to the forum sikorge. Glad to have you here. With regard to your statement, I'm beginning to think they really don't make enough Clorox for that application.

sikorge Loc: Post Falls, Idaho

You're probably correct... ;)

CamT Loc: La Porte, Texas

Just proves ya can't fix stupid

CamT Loc: La Porte, Texas

Ya let it fix itself

audigger53 Loc: Severn, MD

Yeah, some Bleeding Heart will will try and pass a law to fix the "Poor Death of ______" from being Stupid.

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

Sinner - I'm on #3, where does that put me on the list. 16 years -#1, 18 years -#2, 5 years #3 and definitely the last time. 39 years of marriage out of 65 on the planet. I may qualify for "special" list.