It's likely we all do, Jer.

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.

One guy said he was going to bug him.

He walked over to the Irishman and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a sissy."

"Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies.

"I told him St. Patrick was a sissy and he didn’t care!"

"You just don’t know how to set him off, watch and learn."

The second Englishman walked over and tapped the Irishman on the shoulder. "I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite!"

"Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You are right, he is unshakable!"

The third Englishman said: "No, no, no, I will really big him, you just watch."

The Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said: "I hear your St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me.”

One day, a rich kid was walking with his dad when he saw an old legless beggar on the street, begging for alms. The boy stopped his dad immediately and walked up to the disabled beggar.

"Hey sir, can I ask you a question?" he asked him.

"Yes, you can" the old man replied.

Then the boy said, "What happened to your legs? Why are they missing?"

A look of shame showed on the dad's face as he whispered into his son's ears.

"Hey, you should never ask people inappropriate questions."

The old man heard it. He paused for a moment, then said to the little boy, "Can I tell you a short story?"

The boy nodded his head. Then old man said.

"It's a true story about a young boy, and you should pay keen attention"

"Okay"

The old man started speaking, "There was a boy who had a donkey he loved so much. He called him Banjo, and he was his best companion. One day, he went to bathe in the river and had taken the donkey with him for a bath. Unfortunately, a huge crocodile suddenly leaped out of the water and grabbed the donkey, dragging him deep in the water. The boy couldn't save his donkey. He screamed so hard as he watched poor Banjo being killed. He became so angry like a volcano. Burning with anger, he must wreak vengeance, so he jumped into the river to fight the ferocious crocodile. But it didn't turn out good as another crocodile attacked the boy and started devouring him... The end."

Having listened to the story, the kid wagged his head, then asked.

"So, what happened to the boy afterwards? Or was he also killed?"

The old man paused for a moment, then said, "Over the years, that boy has grown into an old man and he is now me. I just told you a story about myself, thereby answering your question. I survived but lost both legs from the incident"

Both the father and son were marveled. Then the old beggar concluded.

"My story has a powerful lesson about anger and revenge, you should take away. You should learn to control your anger, or else you would be pushed to inflict vengeance, which would not only hurt others, but also yourself. I was so angry and desperate, I wanted that revenge so bad that I didn't realize how stupid I was. Anger can make you take stupid actions that you would live forever to regret. You see, if I had controlled my anger and walked home after the crocodile ate my donkey, I wouldn't be the 'legless beggar' you see today. It's important you learn to forgive those who hurt you and move on with your life. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace."

One day a farmer’s donkey fell into a well. The animal cried loudly for hours, while the farmer tried to find something to do to get him out.

Finally, the farmer decided that the donkey was old and the well was already dry and needed to be covered anyway; that it really wasn't worth pulling the donkey out of the well.

He invited all his neighbors to come help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to throw dirt into the well.

The donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly loud. Then, to everyone's surprise, he quieted down after a few shovelfuls of dirt.

The farmer finally looked down into the well and was amazed at what he saw... with each shovelful of dirt, the donkey was doing something incredible: It was shaking off the dirt and stepping on top of the dirt.

Very soon everyone saw surprised how the donkey reached the mouth of the well, went over the edge and trotted out...

Life is going to throw dirt at you, all kinds of dirt... the trick to getting out of the hole is to shake it off and use it to step up. Each of our problems is a step up. We can get out of the deepest holes if we don't give up...

Use the dirt they throw you to get ahead!!!

Remember the 5 rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hate.

2. Free your mind of distractions.

3. Simplify your life.

4. Give more and expect less.

5. Love more and... shake the dirt, because in this life you have to be a solution, not the problem!

Author Unknown

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies; " I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.

The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies; "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, takes of his hat, bends over and whispers in her ear.

She abruptly stands and says "Oh, I'm sorry," and she gets up, passes her hand through her blonde hair and moves back to her seat in the economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class wasn't going to Houston".

Brooks Robinson, the legendary third baseman and Hall of Famer affectionately known as "Mr. Oriole" for spending his entire 23-year big league career in Baltimore, has died at 86.

"All of us at Major League Baseball are saddened by the loss of Brooks Robinson, one of the greats of our National Pastime and a legend of the Baltimore Orioles," MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred said in a statement. "Brooks stood among the greatest defensive players who have ever lived. He was a two-time World Series Champion, the 1964 American League MVP, and the winner of 16 consecutive Gold Gloves at third base. He was a model of excellence, durability, loyalty and winning baseball for the Orioles. After his playing career, he continued to make contributions to the game by working with the MLB Players Alumni Association.

"I will always remember Brooks as a true gentleman who represented our game extraordinarily well on and off the field all his life. On behalf of Major League Baseball, I send my deepest condolences to Brooks’ family, his many friends across our game, and Orioles fans everywhere."

The Orioles released a statement on behalf of the team and Robinson's family: "We are deeply saddened to share the news of the passing of Brooks Robinson. An integral part of our Orioles Family since 1955, he will continue to leave a lasting impact on our club, our community, and the sport of baseball."

Nicknamed "The Human Vacuum Cleaner" for his exceptional defense at the hot corner, Robinson won 16 Gold Glove Awards, the most by any non-pitcher in baseball history and tied for the second most by any player, along with pitcher Jim Kaat. Only Greg Maddux (18) won more.

Robinson was an 18-time All-Star, the 1964 American League MVP Award winner and a two-time World Series champion (1966 and ’70), while also being named the MVP of the Fall Classic in ’70. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1983, becoming the first third baseman to be elected in his first year of eligibility.

Although he eventually became synonymous with Baltimore during his playing career and following his retirement, Brooks Calbert Robinson Jr. was born on May 18, 1937, in Little Rock, Ark., where he attended Little Rock Central High School and went on to play baseball at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. In 1955, Robinson signed with the Orioles for $4,000, and he made his debut for the team later that year at the age of 18.

From 1955-59, Robinson played only 304 games for the O’s, spending some time in the Minor Leagues and dealing with numerous injuries. But soon after, Robinson became a fixture in the Orioles’ lineup, where he’d be a stalwart for the better part of two decades.

Robinson’s breakout year came in 1960, when he was named an All-Star for the first time and captured his first Gold Glove. He was then an All-Star every year through ’74 and a Gold Glover every year through ’75.

While Robinson more than held his own at the plate, it was his glovework that always had everybody in amazement.

"He was the best defensive player at any position," the late Frank Robinson, a fellow Hall of Famer and Orioles legend, once said. "I used to stand in the outfield like a fan and watch him make play after play. I used to think, 'Wow! I can’t believe this.'"

As the Orioles excelled in the late 1960s and early ’70s, Brooks Robinson helped lead the franchise to its first two World Series titles in ’66 and ’70. In the latter, he went 9-for-21 with two doubles, two homers, five runs scored and six RBIs in a five-game Series vs. the Reds.

During the mid-1970s, Robinson’s playing time waned. With Doug DeCinces emerging as Baltimore’s starting third baseman in ’76, Robinson appeared in only 71 games that year.

Robinson still returned for the 1977 season, serving as a player-coach. But he played in only 24 games, and on Aug. 21 -- with the Orioles needing to clear a roster spot for Rick Dempsey’s return from an injury -- Robinson ended his playing career by voluntarily going on the retired list at the age of 40.

That was far from the end of Robinson’s time in Baltimore, though, even if he was no longer routinely on the infield dirt at Memorial Stadium. He was there the next year when his No. 5 was retired on April 14, 1978. Robinson also served as a color commentator for the team’s television broadcasts from 1978-92.

Robinson never moved out of Maryland, residing there until his death along with his wife, Connie, whom he met on an Orioles team flight in 1959 while she was working as a flight attendant. Robinson is survived by Connie and their four children -- sons Brooks David, Chris and Michael and daughter Diana.

"He just was nice and cordial and kind. Great player and great role model," said Hall of Fame pitcher Jim Palmer, Robinson's Orioles teammate from 1965-77. "When you decided who you'd want to emulate, you'd go, 'Brooks Robinson.' Because he was the real deal. He was a genuine person. There was no acting or trying to play a role. We were just lucky that we all had him in our life. Like [former O's first baseman] Boog [Powell] said, 'I loved him.' And I think we all did."

Despite Robinson having health troubles later in his life, he never stayed away from the O’s for long. He underwent successful treatment for prostate cancer in 2009. He had emergency surgery in ’11, when he developed an infection following a routine procedure prior to that. In January 2012, Robinson fell backward in his chair off a raised platform at a charity banquet in Florida, sustaining a fractured scapula and requiring hospitalization.

Still, Robinson came to Camden Yards on Sept. 29, 2012, when a statue of him was unveiled in Legends Park beyond the bullpens in left-center field alongside previously dedicated sculptures of the other five people inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame as Orioles: Eddie Murray, Palmer, Cal Ripken Jr., Frank Robinson and Earl Weaver. It was the second statue of Robinson built in Baltimore; there’s also one just outside the ballpark on the plaza between Washington Boulevard and Russell Street. And on that sculpture, Robinson’s glove is appropriately colored gold.

A statue of Brooks Robinson stands outside Oriole Park at Camden Yards.

The O’s routinely invited Robinson back for more special events, such as "Thanks Brooks Day" on Sept. 24, 2022, which honored the 45th anniversary of his retirement.

Those were all tributes and celebrations of the lasting impact Robinson left on the Orioles and Baltimore -- perhaps one larger than any other player in team history and any other athlete in the city’s long past.

Robinson may have been viewed as a superstar in Charm City, but he reached that point with a humbleness that made him even more endearing to his fans. He demonstrated that humility throughout his life, and for that, his legacy will be remembered by the generations to come.

"Brooks never asked anyone to name a candy bar after him," longtime Associated Press sportswriter Gordon Beard once wrote. "In Baltimore, people named their children after him."

R.I.P., Orioles legendary 3rd baseman, Brooks Robinson

https://www.mlb.com/news/brooks-robinson-dies-at-86

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

On their way to Heaven, they found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.

St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?

"What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple.

"But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted.

"It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?!

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle when he came upon little Johnny trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said little Johnny.

After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"

Little Johnny said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal."

The preacher took the mower and tried to start it. He pulled and pulled on the rope until he was dripping with sweat but the mower refuses to start.

The preacher called little Johnny over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."

Little Johnny said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started."

The preacher said, "I'm a man of the church and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't even remember how to cuss."

Little Johnny looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya "

An elderly woman’s husband dies. She wants an obit in the paper but she’s a real penny pincher. She calls up the paper and says; “I need to get an obit for my husband in the paper. What’s the cheapest one you got?”

The person at the paper says; “Well ma’am, you have to buy at least one line.” The woman says; “Ok, I want it to say ‘Frank’s dead.’”

The person on the phone says; “Well ma’am, with one line you can have up to five words.” The old woman says; “Wonderful! Then I want it to say “Frank’s dead...truck for sale.”

After God was done creating Adam and Eve, he gathered them in the Garden of Eden and said to them:

“I am almost done here, I still have one gift for each of you.”

“Yes, yes”, replied both eagerly.

“My first gift is the ability to pee standing up…”.

“Oh, yes my Lord, that is just so perfect for me”, says Adam right away. “What a wonderful gift! I’ll be able to pee anywhere and anytime. Against a tree, against a wall, against the wind! What lovely gift, please oh please God, give it to me!!!”.

“Adam, are you sure”, says the Lord.

“Oh yes, I am sure, I am sure”.

“All right, then. And you, Eve...you can have multiple orgasms.”

No 3rd wish was mentioned in the joke.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same." says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please.”

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke please.”

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again, the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad." says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again, the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a liter of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there." says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

Thanks for your concern...but don't worry, I'll be just fine.

R.J., I live for danger.