When I'm not playing music or fishing, I am writing stand-up or telling jokes. I love funny stuff. Here is one for you...
I hope I'm not banished from the site after this!

A farmer went next door to his neighbor's house and knocked on the door. The neighbors were farmers too. A 9 year old boy answered the door.
"I need to talk to your Daddy," said the farmer.
"He ain't home," the boy told him.
"Then call your Mama to the door"
"Mama went to town with Daddy", said the kid.
"Well then, tell your brother Homer I need to talk to him now.
"Homer went with Mama and Daddy to town. I'm the only one here."
Then the boy told him, "I know where all the tools are if you need to borrow one, or I can write down a message for Daddy and give it to him when he gets back from town!"
The farmer kind of hem-hawed around, shuffled back and forth, then finally said, "Well, I really need to talk to your Daddy about your brother Homer getting my daughter pregnant!
The boy looked a little puzzled and said, "Well, I know Daddy charges $500 for the bull, and $50 for the pig, but I'm not sure how much Daddy charges for Homer!"

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase:



"You Gotta Be Shittin Me?" It wasn't a MARINE, SOLDIER or SAILOR

Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.

What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman...

A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us, without Peters.'

And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me...'