Hotter than a 2 dollar pistol.
Hotter than a 2 peckered Billy goat.
Slicker than greased owl s#!t.
Slicker than snot on a doorknob.
It colder than a 3 dog night.
Colder than a well diggers butt in Montana.
Colder than a witches t!t in a brass bra.
Colder than a cast iron commode in the Yukon.
Independent as a hog on ice.
That's as rare as hens teeth.
If that don't beat a hen a crowin.
He don't know $#!t from Shinola.
Go piss up a rope.
Easy as herding cats.
Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin chairs.
Easy as shootin fish in a barrel.
Don't take any wooden nickels.
Eatin high on the hog.
Shut the door, you born in a barn?
You ain't just whistling Dixie.
Killin 2 birds with 1 stone.
They'll put you so far in jail they'll be feedin you beans with a slingshot.
She/he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.
So ugly they fell out of the ugly tree and hit ever branch on the way down.
I swear, you'd complain if you was hung with a new rope.
It's rainin cats and dogs.
It's rainnin so hard, like a cow pissin on a flat rock.

I better stop now. That just a few I grew up with back in Texas.