medical jokes
Jun 21, 2021 10:19:56 #
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red ‘H’ on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ‘Y’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green ‘M’ on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?”
Two psychiatrists had taken the evening off to have some fun and are enjoying a ride on a bike.
They have an accident and one of them, who had taken a bad fall, in grievously injured, with cuts, bruises and a lot of bleeding.
The other sits by his side and asks,
“Do you want to talk about it ?”
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
‘We need a fourth for poker,’ said the friend.
‘I’ll be right over,’ whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, ‘Is it serious?’
‘Oh yes, quite serious,’ said the doctor gravely. ‘In fact, there are three doctors there already!’
After examining a patient the doctor took his wife aside and told her that her husband was gravely ill but there were 3 things she could do to ensure his survival.
1. Give him three nutritious meals every day.
2. Do not nag him.
3. Make love to him every night.
While driving back home the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say ?”
“I am sorry dear but he said that you are not going to make it.”
A man went to the doctor feeling very depressed.
“What you need,” said the doctor, “is some companionship.
Go out and find a girl who likes to do the same things as you do.”
“But doc, why would I want a girl who likes whistling at other girls!”
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my d*ck,” he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you, he said.”
The receptionist replied, “You’ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear,” he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
“And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?”
“I can’t p*ss out of it, the man replied.”
The doctor’s office erupted in laughter
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ‘Y’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green ‘M’ on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?”
Two psychiatrists had taken the evening off to have some fun and are enjoying a ride on a bike.
They have an accident and one of them, who had taken a bad fall, in grievously injured, with cuts, bruises and a lot of bleeding.
The other sits by his side and asks,
“Do you want to talk about it ?”
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
‘We need a fourth for poker,’ said the friend.
‘I’ll be right over,’ whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, ‘Is it serious?’
‘Oh yes, quite serious,’ said the doctor gravely. ‘In fact, there are three doctors there already!’
After examining a patient the doctor took his wife aside and told her that her husband was gravely ill but there were 3 things she could do to ensure his survival.
1. Give him three nutritious meals every day.
2. Do not nag him.
3. Make love to him every night.
While driving back home the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say ?”
“I am sorry dear but he said that you are not going to make it.”
A man went to the doctor feeling very depressed.
“What you need,” said the doctor, “is some companionship.
Go out and find a girl who likes to do the same things as you do.”
“But doc, why would I want a girl who likes whistling at other girls!”
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my d*ck,” he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you, he said.”
The receptionist replied, “You’ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear,” he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
“And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?”
“I can’t p*ss out of it, the man replied.”
The doctor’s office erupted in laughter
Jun 21, 2021 11:31:49 #
Jun 21, 2021 11:45:38 #
Jun 21, 2021 12:18:24 #
Ronniejw wrote:
A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup... (show quote)
Good ones as usual Ronnie.
Jun 21, 2021 14:32:44 #
[quote=Ronniejw]A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red ‘H’ on her chest.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ‘Y’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green ‘M’ on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?”
Had to think about the M & W a minute. Got it, good one.
“How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue ‘Y’ on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweat shirt, even when we make love,” she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green ‘M’ on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.
“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?”
Had to think about the M & W a minute. Got it, good one.
Jun 21, 2021 16:05:35 #
Nearly pis$ed my pants on the 86 year old’s doctor visit. That generation was honest and to the point. I can actually see that happening, perfect response.
Jun 21, 2021 19:19:36 #
Stuff
Loc: South Shore Ma
A wife goes into the doctors office and says my husband thinks he's a Dog and all he will eat is Dog food, will dog food hurt him?? Doctor says dog food I think is OK!! But take him to see a mental health doctor!! Two weeks later Doctor see's the wife on the street and asks how's your husband?? She says Oh!! he's dead!!! Doc says Oh!! God did the Dog Food kill him??? NO!! he was laying the driveway licking his Balls and I backed the Car over Him!!
Stuff
Stuff
Jun 22, 2021 08:12:18 #
Good ones Ronnie. Thanks for the laughs and the visual of the first one.
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