A couple for today
Jun 16, 2021 17:42:04 #
A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, “If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?” “No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the bum said.
“Will you use it to gamble?”
“I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay live.”
“Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?”
“Are you NUTS! I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”
The man said, “Well, I’m not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I’m going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.” The bum was astounded.
“Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.”
The man replied, “Hey, man, that’s OK! I just want her to see what a man looks like who’s given up drinking, gambling, and golf!”
A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit down next to each other, get to talking and their chat soon turns to their sea adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting wars with the Navy, and the pirate tells of robbing ships and killing his enemies with the other pirates.
The sailor notices that the pirate has an eyepatch, a hook and a peg leg and asks, “How did you get the peg leg?” The pirate replies, “When I was thrown off my ship and floated for two days until my crew rescued me, my leg was bitten off by a shark as I was being pulled out of the water.”
The sailor, impressed, says, “Wow. That’s very exciting. But how about the hook?” The pirate smiles, shining the hook a bit, “When I was sword fighting with a pirate from our enemy ship for treasure, he took it right off.” The sailor’s eyes were wide with awe at how badass this pirate was, and he asked, How did you get the eyepatch?” “Well,” says the pirate, shifting in his seat a bit, “a seagull pooed in my eye.” The seaman looks puzzled: “You lost an eye from gull poo?”
The pirate sighed and shook his head. “It was my first day with the hook.”
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, “If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?” “No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the bum said.
“Will you use it to gamble?”
“I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay live.”
“Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?”
“Are you NUTS! I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”
The man said, “Well, I’m not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I’m going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.” The bum was astounded.
“Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.”
The man replied, “Hey, man, that’s OK! I just want her to see what a man looks like who’s given up drinking, gambling, and golf!”
A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit down next to each other, get to talking and their chat soon turns to their sea adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting wars with the Navy, and the pirate tells of robbing ships and killing his enemies with the other pirates.
The sailor notices that the pirate has an eyepatch, a hook and a peg leg and asks, “How did you get the peg leg?” The pirate replies, “When I was thrown off my ship and floated for two days until my crew rescued me, my leg was bitten off by a shark as I was being pulled out of the water.”
The sailor, impressed, says, “Wow. That’s very exciting. But how about the hook?” The pirate smiles, shining the hook a bit, “When I was sword fighting with a pirate from our enemy ship for treasure, he took it right off.” The sailor’s eyes were wide with awe at how badass this pirate was, and he asked, How did you get the eyepatch?” “Well,” says the pirate, shifting in his seat a bit, “a seagull pooed in my eye.” The seaman looks puzzled: “You lost an eye from gull poo?”
The pirate sighed and shook his head. “It was my first day with the hook.”
Jun 16, 2021 17:58:56 #
EZ Fishing
Loc: College Ward, Utah
Ronniejw wrote:
A man was walking in the city, when he was accoste... (show quote)
Good ones Ronnie. Still laughing.
Jun 16, 2021 18:49:35 #
Jun 16, 2021 19:13:36 #
Jun 16, 2021 22:05:26 #
Stuff
Loc: South Shore Ma
I was little boy and up dressed as a pirate on Halloween! Went to this nice old ladies house, she said your a sweet little boy!!
Waiting for my Treat!! she says where are your Buccaneers?? Lady!!!! they are under my Bucken Hat!!! I grew up in a rough neighborhood!!!
Stuff
Waiting for my Treat!! she says where are your Buccaneers?? Lady!!!! they are under my Bucken Hat!!! I grew up in a rough neighborhood!!!
Stuff
Jun 16, 2021 22:18:16 #
Jun 16, 2021 22:57:33 #
Stuff
Loc: South Shore Ma
How come witches can't have babies?? Their husbands have Holloweenies!!
Stuff
Stuff
Jun 17, 2021 06:34:30 #
Jun 17, 2021 06:53:39 #
Ronniejw wrote:
A man was walking in the city, when he was accoste... (show quote)
Thanks, Ronnie & Stuff.
Jun 17, 2021 07:06:20 #
flyguy wrote:
Thanks, Ronnie & Stuff.
Wb, how was the trip and the fishing
Jun 17, 2021 12:28:05 #
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