a few jokes
Aug 31, 2019 17:17:30 #
A guy had planned a fishing trip to his favorite fishing spot on the flats of Florida.
He packed and began the trip to the water.
He launched his boat, motored to his sea trout honey hole, and began fishing.
In no time, he caught the biggest trout he’d ever caught.
He cast out again and was delighted to catch an even larger trout.
Every cast, he caught a trophy fish.
Then his mobile phone rang; it was the hospital telling him his wife had been admitted to the emergency room.
She may die, they told him.
The fisherman is worried, but he wants to catch the world record trout, so he decides to have just a few more casts.
He pulls in three more really huge trout, but his conscience begins to get the better of him, so he reluctantly pulls anchor and motors back to his car to go to the hospital.
Running into the emergency room, he meets up with a stern-looking doctor.
The doctor sees the man dressed for fishing and scolds the husband: “Your wife has been at death’s door for hours now. You kept fishing after you were called, didn’t you? You ought to be ashamed!”
The fisherman sobbed it was true.
“Well,” said the doc, “I hope you had a good time; your wife will survive, but your fishing days are over…
She will require constant care from now on… 24 hours per day. You will have to do everything for her.”
The fisherman sobbed, “Oh God, I didn’t think it was that bad, I feel terrible!!!!”
The doc grinned and nudged the fisherman with his elbow…
”Just kidding, buddy… she’sgonna be fine. How many did you catch?”
Funny Fishing Joke 2
Big dog was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked B d, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
B d replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.
“Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.”
“That’s a bunch of crap! Fish can’t do that!” replied the warden in disbelief.
B d looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “Here, I’ll show you. It really works.”
“O.K. I’ve GOT to see this!” The game warden was curious.
B d poured the fish into the river and stood and waited…
After several minutes, the game warden turned to B d and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?” B d responded.
“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden prompted.
“Call who back?” B d asked.
“The FISH,” the warden said sternly.
“What fish?” B d asked.
Funny Fishing Joke 3
One day, two guys Big dog and badbobby were out fishing.
A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bobby takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
B d then said, “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!”
Bob then replies, “It’s the least I could do. After all, I was married to her for 30 years.”
Funny Fishing Joke 4
The fishing season hasn’t opened yet, and badbobby who doesn’t even have a license, is casting for bass as a stranger approaches and asks, “Any luck?”
“Any luck? Heck yes, this is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday” he boasts.
“Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?” asks the stranger.
“Nope.”
“Well, meet the new game warden.”
“Oh,” gulped bobby…
“Well, do you know who I am?”
“Nope,” said the game warden.
“Meet the biggest liar in the state of Texas”
Funny Fishing Joke 5
Q: What do fish and women have in common?
A: They both stop shaking their tail after you catch them!
Funny Fishing Joke 6
Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: “double my I.Q” so the mermaid did it and to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespearee.
Then the second fisherman said: “triple my I.Q.” and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn’t know existed.
The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said “Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!”
The fisherman said “yes” so the mermaid turned him into a woman…
Funny Fishing Joke 7
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice from above said, “There are no fish down there.”
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?”
“No, you idiot,” the voice said, “it’s the rink manager.”
Funny Fishing Joke 8
There was a billfish fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank.
He was lucky enough to make it to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find.
When the Coastguard eventually found him, the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around.
He went over to the fisherman and said, “You know, it’s illegal to kill a California Condor, I’m afraid I m going to have to arrest you.”
The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve, but eventually he calmed down.
“Out of curiosity,” the coastguard asked, “What did it taste like?”
The fisherman replied, ” Well, it was kind of a mix between a snowy owl and a bald eagle.”
Funny Fishing Joke 9
Standing at the edge of the lake, Big dog saw a woman flailing about in the deep water.
Unable to swim, B d screamed for help.
badbobby ran up.
B d said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I ll give you a hundred dollars.”
bobby dove into the water…
In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of B d, bobby said, “Okay, where’s my hundred dollars?”
But B d said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”
bobby reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?”
He packed and began the trip to the water.
He launched his boat, motored to his sea trout honey hole, and began fishing.
In no time, he caught the biggest trout he’d ever caught.
He cast out again and was delighted to catch an even larger trout.
Every cast, he caught a trophy fish.
Then his mobile phone rang; it was the hospital telling him his wife had been admitted to the emergency room.
She may die, they told him.
The fisherman is worried, but he wants to catch the world record trout, so he decides to have just a few more casts.
He pulls in three more really huge trout, but his conscience begins to get the better of him, so he reluctantly pulls anchor and motors back to his car to go to the hospital.
Running into the emergency room, he meets up with a stern-looking doctor.
The doctor sees the man dressed for fishing and scolds the husband: “Your wife has been at death’s door for hours now. You kept fishing after you were called, didn’t you? You ought to be ashamed!”
The fisherman sobbed it was true.
“Well,” said the doc, “I hope you had a good time; your wife will survive, but your fishing days are over…
She will require constant care from now on… 24 hours per day. You will have to do everything for her.”
The fisherman sobbed, “Oh God, I didn’t think it was that bad, I feel terrible!!!!”
The doc grinned and nudged the fisherman with his elbow…
”Just kidding, buddy… she’sgonna be fine. How many did you catch?”
Funny Fishing Joke 2
Big dog was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked B d, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
B d replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.
“Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.”
“That’s a bunch of crap! Fish can’t do that!” replied the warden in disbelief.
B d looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “Here, I’ll show you. It really works.”
“O.K. I’ve GOT to see this!” The game warden was curious.
B d poured the fish into the river and stood and waited…
After several minutes, the game warden turned to B d and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?” B d responded.
“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden prompted.
“Call who back?” B d asked.
“The FISH,” the warden said sternly.
“What fish?” B d asked.
Funny Fishing Joke 3
One day, two guys Big dog and badbobby were out fishing.
A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bobby takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.
B d then said, “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!”
Bob then replies, “It’s the least I could do. After all, I was married to her for 30 years.”
Funny Fishing Joke 4
The fishing season hasn’t opened yet, and badbobby who doesn’t even have a license, is casting for bass as a stranger approaches and asks, “Any luck?”
“Any luck? Heck yes, this is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday” he boasts.
“Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?” asks the stranger.
“Nope.”
“Well, meet the new game warden.”
“Oh,” gulped bobby…
“Well, do you know who I am?”
“Nope,” said the game warden.
“Meet the biggest liar in the state of Texas”
Funny Fishing Joke 5
Q: What do fish and women have in common?
A: They both stop shaking their tail after you catch them!
Funny Fishing Joke 6
Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: “double my I.Q” so the mermaid did it and to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespearee.
Then the second fisherman said: “triple my I.Q.” and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn’t know existed.
The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said “Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!”
The fisherman said “yes” so the mermaid turned him into a woman…
Funny Fishing Joke 7
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice from above said, “There are no fish down there.”
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”
He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?”
“No, you idiot,” the voice said, “it’s the rink manager.”
Funny Fishing Joke 8
There was a billfish fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank.
He was lucky enough to make it to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find.
When the Coastguard eventually found him, the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around.
He went over to the fisherman and said, “You know, it’s illegal to kill a California Condor, I’m afraid I m going to have to arrest you.”
The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve, but eventually he calmed down.
“Out of curiosity,” the coastguard asked, “What did it taste like?”
The fisherman replied, ” Well, it was kind of a mix between a snowy owl and a bald eagle.”
Funny Fishing Joke 9
Standing at the edge of the lake, Big dog saw a woman flailing about in the deep water.
Unable to swim, B d screamed for help.
badbobby ran up.
B d said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I ll give you a hundred dollars.”
bobby dove into the water…
In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of B d, bobby said, “Okay, where’s my hundred dollars?”
But B d said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”
bobby reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?”
Aug 31, 2019 17:31:45 #
J.R. Sloan
Loc: Inland Northwest (WA, OR, ID)
Bad Bobby, I can see why you picked that handle, but I sure hope your new post gets a great response from others. I'm gonna go look right now at my trove of forbidden wonders...
Aug 31, 2019 18:50:59 #
Aug 31, 2019 19:02:46 #
Thanks a Lot!....What a Relief....Hot Temperatures....dealing w/ Skunks.....Snagged and Tangled Lines.....and Birds Nest.....Lets have some or more of these.......Fisherman's Liar Jokes!!!......Tight Lines!
Aug 31, 2019 19:27:26 #
A blonde lady driving through Kansas saw another blonde out Ina wheat field fishing. Casting around like there was no tomorrow. First blonde stops the car gets out and stands at the fence calling out to the other," You idiot, what are doing in the middle of a wheat field fishing? No wonder people think blondes are all dumb! If I could swim I'd come out there and knock some sense in to you!!!"
Aug 31, 2019 19:32:27 #
Graywulff wrote:
A blonde lady driving through Kansas saw another blonde out Ina wheat field fishing. Casting around like there was no tomorrow. First blonde stops the car gets out and stands at the fence calling out to the other," You idiot, what are doing in the middle of a wheat field fishing? No wonder people think blondes are all dumb! If I could swim I'd come out there and knock some sense in to you!!!"
Aug 31, 2019 19:45:48 #
Aug 31, 2019 21:19:14 #
OK, true story. When I was living in San Antonio there was a guy that would go out to Calavers Lake.
When he would get there he would set up a 2 man pup tent, a lounger, and his cooler.
He would cast his line out and lay down and pull a beer out of the cooler.
A Game Warden came along and asked to see his fishing license.
"What for?"
"Your fishing!"
No, I'm not."
"Yes you are your line is in the water and everything."
"Reel it in."
The Warder reeled it in and there was nothing but a sinker on the line.
"There's no hook on this!"
"That's right, I lay here and drink beer and people look at me and say, Wow does he have a lot of patience. "
"If I didn't have the line in the water, they would say look at that Old Drunk".
When the cooler was empty he would crawl into the tent and sleep it off, then go home.
That was back in the 90's. About every 2-3 weeks he would be out there.
When he would get there he would set up a 2 man pup tent, a lounger, and his cooler.
He would cast his line out and lay down and pull a beer out of the cooler.
A Game Warden came along and asked to see his fishing license.
"What for?"
"Your fishing!"
No, I'm not."
"Yes you are your line is in the water and everything."
"Reel it in."
The Warder reeled it in and there was nothing but a sinker on the line.
"There's no hook on this!"
"That's right, I lay here and drink beer and people look at me and say, Wow does he have a lot of patience. "
"If I didn't have the line in the water, they would say look at that Old Drunk".
When the cooler was empty he would crawl into the tent and sleep it off, then go home.
That was back in the 90's. About every 2-3 weeks he would be out there.
Aug 31, 2019 21:26:28 #
When my brother was about 6 before WWII, he was up in Minn. as the family was visiting releitives. He was out walking along a creek and saw an old style telephone next to the creek. It had wires from it going into the water.
He cranked the handle and watched in amazement as fish floated up to the surface.
When they went down he did it again. Same thing!
A man came up to him and asked what he was doing.
"Watch this!"
and he cranked it again.
The man was a game warden and took the telephone. He couldn't do anything to my brother because he never touched a fish.
That is why they call shocking fish with electricity, "Telephoning Fish".
The old crank phones had a Meager in them and when you cranked it, it would send a current out to make the other end ring.
He cranked the handle and watched in amazement as fish floated up to the surface.
When they went down he did it again. Same thing!
A man came up to him and asked what he was doing.
"Watch this!"
and he cranked it again.
The man was a game warden and took the telephone. He couldn't do anything to my brother because he never touched a fish.
That is why they call shocking fish with electricity, "Telephoning Fish".
The old crank phones had a Meager in them and when you cranked it, it would send a current out to make the other end ring.
Aug 31, 2019 23:02:42 #
Sep 1, 2019 07:31:23 #
Sep 1, 2019 11:23:32 #
Sep 1, 2019 12:11:59 #
Sep 1, 2019 14:17:26 #
FixorFish
Loc: SW Oregon
Since the Sunday paper costs $2.50 now, I rarely buy one lately. Like anybody, my favorite part was the "funnies". I do thank you for the replacement ! #5 nearly made me fall off the throne.... commonality between fish & women,....funneeeee ! Kinda the reason the "ex" is the "EX" !!!!
I suggest we have a similar slot each Sunday morning. If you didn't get to go fishing today, at least there can be commiserating humor ! BadBobby..... you're nominated for chairman of the "committee".
I suggest we have a similar slot each Sunday morning. If you didn't get to go fishing today, at least there can be commiserating humor ! BadBobby..... you're nominated for chairman of the "committee".
Sep 1, 2019 14:21:41 #
FixorFish wrote:
Since the Sunday paper costs $2.50 now, I rarely b... (show quote)
I SECOND THE NOMINATION!
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