Robert J Samples Loc: Round Rock, Texas

The Rotary Club of Houston is part of the western large Rotary clubs west of the Mississippi (those with membership over 250), and it was our turn to host their annual meeting in Houston that year. As immediate past president, I volunteered to head up the committee to pick up the Executive Officers and in-coming Presidents of each club when they arrived at either Hobby or George H W. Bush Airports. Since cell phones were quite common then and I had several other members who had volunteered, it was a reasonably easy assignment.

In planning for the event, it was discussed who we could get as guest speaker for a cocktail party and dinner at the Petroleum Club on the first night during their stay in Houston. There was a roadblock in that we could not think of a speaker we could either get or could afford. I suggested we contact Doc. Blakely from Wharton TX. He was both a Rotarian and a former President of the After-Dinner Speakers Assn. of America. He was talented and a humorist.

I contacted Doc Blakely and he was out in Arizona on an assignment and would be coming into Houston the afternoon of our event. I negotiated his fee and since he was past president of his club, he agreed to speak if we made a reasonable contribution to the Wharton Rotary Club’s Charity. This was agreeable to all.

That afternoon, perhaps around 3:00 p.m. I had picked Doc up at the airport and we had returned to the Petroleum Club where the even was to be held. As a practical joke, we decided to have Doc costumed as a waiter of the club, serve drinks during the cocktail party. Later, we would pretend the speaker had not shown up, and I would get Ramon to tell some jokes!

At the proper time, since I was the M.C. for the event, I would call on him. We discussed this and I asked Shirley, head of the wait staff for the evening, if she had a red waiter’s vest and black bow tie? Doc then sat in with the rest of the staff for their briefing. Shirley took him under her wing to make sure he would know how to handle the part with realism.

Everything went well during the cocktail party and dinner. I avoided talking to Doc or having any contact so no one would guess there was a “ringer” in the crowd. Doc Blakely said later that it was really hard work.

When the guests and our Rotary officers gathered a thunderstorm and sheets of tropical rain hit the area. When I was ready to kick off the meeting, I had acquired a brown grocery bag, which I had cut out two holes for my eyes. I then walked up to the podium with the bag over my head.

I began with telling the audience that all in-coming presidents were of two groups; those who had a speaker not show up for their program, or those who would have a speaker stand them up! The paper bag was our Club’s way of signaling we did not have a speaker! After that warning, I said that everyone could easily see why our speaker for the evening had not made it to our event—the tropical storm outside. The thunder and lightening were great sound effects to punctuate and add realism to my point.

I pretended to kill time: “Well, everyone has at least one joke? even the waiters were telling jokes earlier”. “Ramon, would you tell us a joke? I heard you telling one before this dinner to the other waiters.” Ramon declines. I said, “Come on, Ramon, here is $50 for one joke.” With extra coaxing, Ramon comes forward and takes over the program. Doc/Ramon has enough Spanish, so he starts out with Tex/Mex and finally gets warmed up and began his regular presentation.

Since I had not had my meal, I was eating at a table with several other Houston club ex-presidents and officers. About halfway through the meal, someone at our table finally realized the speaker was a “ringer”. Doc and I still talk occasionally and still laugh about the joke we pulled.

It was my last official job and my last hurrah, but it was a lot of fun. My years in Rotary were enjoyable. Quite a few visiting officers and presidents wrote complimenting us on how well they were treated from the time they arrived, the planned events, and entertainment. For a few years, our Rotary Club meetings were televised and played on public television for a time. My granddaughter, Anika, was impressed to see her grandfather on television. Just Sayin…RJS

Huntm22 Loc: Northern Utah. - West Haven

Very good and sounds like a great time.

Robert J Samples Loc: Round Rock, Texas

Yep! And when i asked if anyone had a joke, I could not make eye contact with a single person in the whole room. It was quite funny. Just Sayin...RJS

Huntm22 Loc: Northern Utah. - West Haven

Better man than me - I would have burst out laughing and the gig would have been over.

Robert J Samples Loc: Round Rock, Texas

Well, no one in the room knew but Ramon, me and Shirley! Just Sayin...RJS

Robert J Samples Loc: Round Rock, Texas

Well, no one in the room knew but Ramon, me and Shirley! Just Sayin...RJS

FrenchieQ Loc: Manchester TWP., Ocean County, NJ

Speaking of waiters, in a posh NY restaurant a couple sat down at their table and immediately a waiter approached the table and took their drink order. Upon returning with the drinks, the man noticed the waiter was carrying a teaspoon in his breast pocket. He was curious but said nothing. As the rest of the courses for dinner were served, he also noticed a white string hanging out of the waiters waistband. The man's curiosity finally got the better of him and he asked the waiter what the spoon was for. The waiter explained the restaurant owner had hired a time management firm to improve the service times to the tables. He went on to explain the tea spoon was the most dropped item in a restaurant and keeping the extra spoon in their pocket saved them a trip back to the kitchen and allowed them more time to serve meals. Seeing where that made sense, the man asked about the white string hanging out of the waiters waistband. The waiter again replied it was the brainchild of the time management expert who stated the amount of time a waiter has to spend in the bathroom could be lessened if they didn't have to wash their hands if they didn't touch their privates when urinating so by pulling the string they could take it out without touching it. Made sense to the man but he did have one question. He asked if the waiter used the string to take it out, just how did he get it back IN when he was done? The waited looked around to see who might be listening and said to the man, I don't know how the other waiters do it but I use the spoon I carry.

Robert J Samples Loc: Round Rock, Texas

Well, super efficiency comes at a small cost, right? Just Sayin...RJS

Huntm22 Loc: Northern Utah. - West Haven

Got that down to a science doesn't he! Was it a teaspoon or a tablespoon for the really large jobs??

GSMJr Loc: SoCal> Pflugerville (Austin), TX

Thanks, both were great stories.
I will check when I go to a restaurant for a spoon and a string.
I will leave if I find them!