Engineers
Jun 15, 2022 08:26:55 #
Understanding Engineers #1.
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2.
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3.
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes.
That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4.
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5.
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6.
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #7.
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool!"
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2.
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3.
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes.
That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4.
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5.
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6.
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #7.
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool!"
Jun 15, 2022 08:38:34 #
Slimshady
Loc: Central Pennsylvania
I don’t know OJ but I think you may hear from an engineer or two. All good ones though
Jun 15, 2022 08:51:32 #
Slimshady wrote:
I don’t know OJ but I think you may hear from an engineer or two. All good ones though
I have no doubt…I work with them every day!
One of the bosses at work had a poster on his wall which stated “There comes a time in every project, when it is time to shoot the Engineer and start production!”
No offense intended, of course…just thought I’d share them as some may find a little humor in them.
Jun 15, 2022 08:56:13 #
Slimshady wrote:
I don’t know OJ but I think you may hear from an engineer or two. All good ones though
I've had to deal with a few industrial manufacturing plant engineers, dealing with high temperature coatings for repainting of material conveying carrier's entering superheating Chambers, special coatings to are made by engineers and run through tests or failure could result in lawsuit, the best materials are very very expensive coatings engineer had to make it to Pacific specs $500 and up a gallon.. And he wants rock bottom prices? I give him a bid if 2.5 million dollars and he laughed at my bid I said, buddy get you a paint brush and do it yourself you're an engineer you figure it out I got to make money, bye!
Jun 15, 2022 08:56:30 #
Grizzly 17
Loc: South central Pa
Slimshady wrote:
I don’t know OJ but I think you may hear from an engineer or two. All good ones though
I know many good ones are out there Slim. On the other hand none if the good ones ever sought employment with the county I worked for. Not sour grapes brother just pure fact. The list of blunders they created for us is too long to mention. Absolutely no in the field hands on experience. No offense to all the good engineers out there 👍
Jun 15, 2022 09:00:28 #
Good funnies OJ and I completely understand, I’ve got a best buddy that was a chemical engineer for Exxon/Mobile that just recently retired. I asked him how they produced synthetic oil. He went off on a dissertation that lasted about an hour. Good thing we were drinking bourbon or I wouldn’t have been able to take it.
Jun 15, 2022 09:17:08 #
OJdidit wrote:
Understanding Engineers #1. br Two engineering st... (show quote)
Good one OJ. I am filling in names and sending it to my previous work wife for distribution to those going to be mentioned. Heck i don't have to work with them anymore.
Jun 15, 2022 09:26:44 #
Jun 15, 2022 09:36:21 #
OJdidit wrote:
I have no doubt…I work with them every day!
One of the bosses at work had a poster on his wall which stated “There comes a time in every project, when it is time to shoot the Engineer and start production!”
No offense intended, of course…just thought I’d share them as some may find a little humor in them.
One of the bosses at work had a poster on his wall which stated “There comes a time in every project, when it is time to shoot the Engineer and start production!”
No offense intended, of course…just thought I’d share them as some may find a little humor in them.
Lots of enjoyment found there OJ. Thanks for sharing
Jun 15, 2022 09:56:51 #
OJdidit wrote:
All very good OJ thanks for the laughs…Understanding Engineers #1. br Two engineering st... (show quote)
Jun 15, 2022 11:03:10 #
Slimshady
Loc: Central Pennsylvania
Grizzly 17 wrote:
I know many good ones are out there Slim. On the other hand none if the good ones ever sought employment with the county I worked for. Not sour grapes brother just pure fact. The list of blunders they created for us is too long to mention. Absolutely no in the field hands on experience. No offense to all the good engineers out there 👍
When I was running and working on heavy equipment Grizz, I would have liked to had some of those so-called engineers in the field with me
Jun 15, 2022 11:35:08 #
Grizzly 17
Loc: South central Pa
plumbob wrote:
Good one OJ. I am filling in names and sending it to my previous work wife for distribution to those going to be mentioned. Heck i don't have to work with them anymore.
I also have a work wife Plum. She always tells me I need to work on this n that n more. Since she doesn't pay well I'm fairly slow. Yes dear I'll get it done tomorrow. Trouble is I wake up n it's today so I wait till tomorrow 🤪
Jun 15, 2022 11:40:53 #
Grizzly 17
Loc: South central Pa
Slimshady wrote:
When I was running and working on heavy equipment Grizz, I would have liked to had some of those so-called engineers in the field with me
Are you sure 🤔. I'm serious brother the one's for the county could read but couldn't put anything to practical application. We redone so much work it was unbelievable. Again not busting on all engineers but one I personally knew once told me he could design n motor from the ground up but couldn't fix it if it broke he couldn't fix it. Told him I couldn’t understand that. He said although he could build it n make it work he was terrible at diagnosing a problem 😑
Jun 15, 2022 11:43:17 #
Grizzly 17 wrote:
That way you’re always occupied. Always something to do. Nobody ever needs to work on dones. Besides a lady wouldn’t be happy without a man who needs something to do.I also have a work wife Plum. She always tells me I need to work on this n that n more. Since she doesn't pay well I'm fairly slow. Yes dear I'll get it done tomorrow. Trouble is I wake up n it's today so I wait till tomorrow 🤪
Jun 15, 2022 11:51:36 #
Grizzly 17
Loc: South central Pa
Graywulff wrote:
That way you’re always occupied. Always something to do. Nobody ever needs to work on dones. Besides a lady wouldn’t be happy without a man who needs something to do.
I think Bug wants me to stay in good shape so I can take care of her n Chylo. My new work plan is fishing. It combines multiple types of exercise. 💪🦵👍
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