EasternOZ Loc: Kansas City Metro

Gettin old

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up
to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed,
which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were
people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"

George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and k**led them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars
red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) Don't mess with old people



A few chuckles for seniors. GETTING OLDER

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."

***********************

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"

"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

(I LOVE IT!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging:

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say, "You don't look that old."

---------------------------------

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

-------------------------------

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

*********

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I
wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"

To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."

(ADORABLE)

*********************

(And this final one especially for me,)

"Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"



Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you, stick around awhile . . . it will!

Slimshady Loc: Central Pennsylvania

Oz,those are all good ones. The sad part is that most of them apply to us. lol

EasternOZ Loc: Kansas City Metro

Gotta laugh crying will do no good.

Robert J Samples Loc: Round Rock, Texas

This axiom is hard to follow but it is absolutely true. The less we say, the smarter we appear! Just Sayin...RJS

Andy cacciatori Loc: Modesto cal.

Oz
Thank you I need a good laught today.
And how true they are.
That what's what makes even more funny.
I remember my grandfather saying wish I was young again and he was very active but never understood what he meant when he said that , now I do !!!
I still feel young!!
The bones and body yells me differently.
Have a great evening
Andy

flyguy Loc: Lake Onalaska, Sunfish Capitol of the World!

Good ones, OZ, thanks for sharing.

Jer Loc: N. Illinois 🇺🇸

Excellent. Got a good laugh.

Crunchy Loc: Clark Fork, North Idaho

Eastern O Z I have the same feeling, but I'm 32 years old living in an 87-year-old body!

Crunchy

EasternOZ Loc: Kansas City Metro

I have a 36 year old son the same way, even after he watched me tear mine up he still pushes things.