A collection of "Foxworthy-isms".
Aug 23, 2021 22:30:56 #
Y’all might be a redneck if.......
+Motel 6 turns off the lights if they see you coming.
+Your Anniversary present to your wife was getting the septic tank pumped.
+You list your parole officer as a reference on a job application.
+You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
+Your widow won’t be able to receive her inheritance until she turns fourteen.
+You missed your 8th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
+You use a toilet brush to scrub your back.
+You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
+You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
+You consider your license plate personalized because your Daddy made it.
+You can spit without opening your mouth.
+You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
+You think that if a woman is out of your league, it means that she bowls on a different night.
+You use a rag for a gas cap as a long-term solution.
+You allow your 13 year old daughter to swear in front of her kids.
+You’ve had a family member whose last words were “Hold my beer and watch this!”
+You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
+You've been involved in a custody dispute over a hunting dog.
+People often pull up in front of your house, mistakenly thinking that it’s a yard sale.
+You’re really proud of your Hi-Fi speakers ‘cause they used to belong to the Starlite drive-in.
+You’ve ever taken out and cracked open a cold one during a job interview.
+There’s a cigarette in your mouth in any of your wedding photos.
+Your wife wears knee-high’s with a skirt.
+The phrase “Somebody go jiggle the handle” is routinely heard around your house.
+You own more than three cars that don’t run.
+By mowing your lawn, there’s a good chance of finding a car you’d forgotten about.
+You’ve ever used a Weed Eater indoors.
+You’ve ever used a firearm to remove a wart.
+You just walk the excess length off your jeans.
+You’ve ever shot the plaster deer lawn ornaments in someone’s yard.
+There are car parts on your coffee table.
+You left the baptismal pool warmer than when you got in it.
+You’ve ever had to take a bucket of paint up on the water tower to protect your sisters’ honor.
+You take the dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.
+You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
+You can burp while saying your name.
+Your dog passes gas and you take credit for it.
+Your Wife has ever said “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!”
+You have a Waffle House credit card.
+You think “The Nutcracker” is something you did off the high dive.
+Your Mom has ever worn a dress that’s strapless with a bra that isn’t.
+Your house has ever been T-P’d and your Mom thought it was a gift from God.
+You’ve ever been fired from a job in construction because of your personal appearance.
+Your lifetime ambition is to own a fireworks stand.
+You have a stuffed deer head on the wall, wearing a baseball cap and shades.
+You think the last four words of the “Star spangled banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines!”
+Your honeymoon was featured on “True stories of the Highway Patrol”.
+You think that the family reunion is a chance to meet girls.
+You’ve ever hit on women at the VD clinic.
+You’ve ever spray-painted your girlfriends’ name on an overpass.
+Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them your belt buckle.
+There are no branches on your family tree.
+There were tobacco stains down the sides of your school bus.
+You have any kind of domesticated animals living in a former school bus in your yard.
+You think women are turned on by animal noises.
+You have a set of Gumbo Monster Mudder tires on your family sedan.
+Your dog gags if he sees you eating.
+You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
+You use an Igloo cooler with duct tape for luggage.
+You fully execute the “Pull my finger” gag at Thanksgiving dinner.
+A collapse of your front porch would kill about four dogs.
+Your parents have more than one boy named “Junior”.
+Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
+Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
+You have a relative living in your garage.
+Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
+There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
+You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
+None of the tires on your van are the same size.
+You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
+Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
+Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
+You have hubcaps decorating your house.
+You’ve been on the evening news more than five times, describing “what the tornado sounded like”.
+You need shoes and a flashlight to go to the bathroom at night.
+You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
+Starting your car involves popping the hood.
+Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
+Your Dad walks you to school because you’re both in the same grade.
+You whistle at women in church.
+You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
+You’ve ever been too drunk to go fishing.
+You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
+You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
+ Less than a third of the cars you own will crank.
+You refer to SPAM and Sardines as hors d’ouvers
+You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.
+Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
+You burn your yard rather than mow it.
+You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
+You come back from the dump with more than you took there.
+You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
+You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
+The word “NASCAR” appeared anywhere in your wedding vows.
+Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
+A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
+You empty the bed of your pickup by backing up fast and hitting the brakes real hard.
+You’ve ever ridden an electric floor polisher.
+You’ve ever cracked open a cool one during a Eulogy.
+Your wife would accompany you to a funeral home wearing a tube top.
+Your Dad’s cell number has nothing to do with a mobile phone.
+You think that “Nsync” is where to put the dirty dishes.
+You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
+You’ve ever given a wedding present of livestock.
+Your junior prom offered day care.
+The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than you do.
+You’ve ever worn a cummerbund with a leisure suit.
+You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
+You’ve ever relieved yourself from a moving vehicle, especially while driving.
+You’ve ever complimented a groom by telling him how good his new wife is in the sack.
+You’ve ever sent your wife down the road with a gas can and a request for beer, too.
+You’ve ever carried a cooler full of beer into church.
+You have a centerpiece on your dinner table that was prepared by a taxidermist.
+Part of your honeymoon plans included tickets to the monster truck rally.
+You refer to the fifth grade as your ‘Senior year’.
+You use the phrase “Dumb as a brick” when talking about your kids. Or, if your Dad referred to you that way.
+You’ve ever been thrown out of the zoo for hassling the monkeys.
+The snack trays at your wedding reception featured potted meat and nacho flavored Doritos.
+Your coffee table was originally a telephone company cable spool.
+Your wedding rehearsal dinner was held at Hooters.
+You attend church on Easter Sunday wearing flip flops.
+The Orkin man has told you that you should give up because you’ve lost.
+Your front yard has been mistaken for a recycling center.
+The Salvation Army, Goodwill and all the thrift stores decline your donations.
+You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
+Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
+You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
+Your working TV sits on top of your nonworking TV.
+You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
+You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of KMart.
+Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
+You have the UFO hotline on speed dial.
+You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
+You think that the term “Fanny pack” is a verb.
+The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down with the amount of gas in it.
+You lit a match in the bathroom and the house exploded right off its wheels.
+Your richest relative buys a house and you ask him what he’s gonna do with the wheels.
+You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
+Motel 6 turns off the lights if they see you coming.
+Your Anniversary present to your wife was getting the septic tank pumped.
+You list your parole officer as a reference on a job application.
+You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
+Your widow won’t be able to receive her inheritance until she turns fourteen.
+You missed your 8th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
+You use a toilet brush to scrub your back.
+You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
+You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
+You consider your license plate personalized because your Daddy made it.
+You can spit without opening your mouth.
+You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
+You think that if a woman is out of your league, it means that she bowls on a different night.
+You use a rag for a gas cap as a long-term solution.
+You allow your 13 year old daughter to swear in front of her kids.
+You’ve had a family member whose last words were “Hold my beer and watch this!”
+You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
+You've been involved in a custody dispute over a hunting dog.
+People often pull up in front of your house, mistakenly thinking that it’s a yard sale.
+You’re really proud of your Hi-Fi speakers ‘cause they used to belong to the Starlite drive-in.
+You’ve ever taken out and cracked open a cold one during a job interview.
+There’s a cigarette in your mouth in any of your wedding photos.
+Your wife wears knee-high’s with a skirt.
+The phrase “Somebody go jiggle the handle” is routinely heard around your house.
+You own more than three cars that don’t run.
+By mowing your lawn, there’s a good chance of finding a car you’d forgotten about.
+You’ve ever used a Weed Eater indoors.
+You’ve ever used a firearm to remove a wart.
+You just walk the excess length off your jeans.
+You’ve ever shot the plaster deer lawn ornaments in someone’s yard.
+There are car parts on your coffee table.
+You left the baptismal pool warmer than when you got in it.
+You’ve ever had to take a bucket of paint up on the water tower to protect your sisters’ honor.
+You take the dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner.
+You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
+You can burp while saying your name.
+Your dog passes gas and you take credit for it.
+Your Wife has ever said “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!”
+You have a Waffle House credit card.
+You think “The Nutcracker” is something you did off the high dive.
+Your Mom has ever worn a dress that’s strapless with a bra that isn’t.
+Your house has ever been T-P’d and your Mom thought it was a gift from God.
+You’ve ever been fired from a job in construction because of your personal appearance.
+Your lifetime ambition is to own a fireworks stand.
+You have a stuffed deer head on the wall, wearing a baseball cap and shades.
+You think the last four words of the “Star spangled banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines!”
+Your honeymoon was featured on “True stories of the Highway Patrol”.
+You think that the family reunion is a chance to meet girls.
+You’ve ever hit on women at the VD clinic.
+You’ve ever spray-painted your girlfriends’ name on an overpass.
+Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them your belt buckle.
+There are no branches on your family tree.
+There were tobacco stains down the sides of your school bus.
+You have any kind of domesticated animals living in a former school bus in your yard.
+You think women are turned on by animal noises.
+You have a set of Gumbo Monster Mudder tires on your family sedan.
+Your dog gags if he sees you eating.
+You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.
+You use an Igloo cooler with duct tape for luggage.
+You fully execute the “Pull my finger” gag at Thanksgiving dinner.
+A collapse of your front porch would kill about four dogs.
+Your parents have more than one boy named “Junior”.
+Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
+Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
+You have a relative living in your garage.
+Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
+There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
+You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
+None of the tires on your van are the same size.
+You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
+Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
+Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
+You have hubcaps decorating your house.
+You’ve been on the evening news more than five times, describing “what the tornado sounded like”.
+You need shoes and a flashlight to go to the bathroom at night.
+You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
+Starting your car involves popping the hood.
+Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
+Your Dad walks you to school because you’re both in the same grade.
+You whistle at women in church.
+You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.
+You’ve ever been too drunk to go fishing.
+You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
+You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
+ Less than a third of the cars you own will crank.
+You refer to SPAM and Sardines as hors d’ouvers
+You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.
+Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
+You burn your yard rather than mow it.
+You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
+You come back from the dump with more than you took there.
+You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
+You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
+The word “NASCAR” appeared anywhere in your wedding vows.
+Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
+A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
+You empty the bed of your pickup by backing up fast and hitting the brakes real hard.
+You’ve ever ridden an electric floor polisher.
+You’ve ever cracked open a cool one during a Eulogy.
+Your wife would accompany you to a funeral home wearing a tube top.
+Your Dad’s cell number has nothing to do with a mobile phone.
+You think that “Nsync” is where to put the dirty dishes.
+You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
+You’ve ever given a wedding present of livestock.
+Your junior prom offered day care.
+The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than you do.
+You’ve ever worn a cummerbund with a leisure suit.
+You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
+You’ve ever relieved yourself from a moving vehicle, especially while driving.
+You’ve ever complimented a groom by telling him how good his new wife is in the sack.
+You’ve ever sent your wife down the road with a gas can and a request for beer, too.
+You’ve ever carried a cooler full of beer into church.
+You have a centerpiece on your dinner table that was prepared by a taxidermist.
+Part of your honeymoon plans included tickets to the monster truck rally.
+You refer to the fifth grade as your ‘Senior year’.
+You use the phrase “Dumb as a brick” when talking about your kids. Or, if your Dad referred to you that way.
+You’ve ever been thrown out of the zoo for hassling the monkeys.
+The snack trays at your wedding reception featured potted meat and nacho flavored Doritos.
+Your coffee table was originally a telephone company cable spool.
+Your wedding rehearsal dinner was held at Hooters.
+You attend church on Easter Sunday wearing flip flops.
+The Orkin man has told you that you should give up because you’ve lost.
+Your front yard has been mistaken for a recycling center.
+The Salvation Army, Goodwill and all the thrift stores decline your donations.
+You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
+Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
+You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
+Your working TV sits on top of your nonworking TV.
+You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
+You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of KMart.
+Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
+You have the UFO hotline on speed dial.
+You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
+You think that the term “Fanny pack” is a verb.
+The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down with the amount of gas in it.
+You lit a match in the bathroom and the house exploded right off its wheels.
+Your richest relative buys a house and you ask him what he’s gonna do with the wheels.
+You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
Aug 23, 2021 23:02:10 #
Jwid
Loc: Lake Killarney, Ironton, MO
And you might be a redneck if your grandmother yells down the hall, “you all outa come see this before I flush it.”
Aug 23, 2021 23:23:36 #
I got 21, one of them was not using a weedeater in the house……It was a gas backpack blower…
Aug 23, 2021 23:51:57 #
Aug 24, 2021 00:37:58 #
Jeremy wrote:
How you been SU and fish?
I lost count how many.
I lost count how many.
Good, thanks. Busy as always, did haul rv to ilwaco for tuna camp last week but boat still here. Spent the one night there, did use the fishing pole castable folding crab traps off the north jetty when we got there. Got enough for dinner and crab omelettes for breakfast. Crabs not full of meat yet but cooked up fine.
Aug 24, 2021 01:03:15 #
Aug 24, 2021 01:05:52 #
Jwid wrote:
And you might be a redneck if your grandmother yells down the hall, “you all outa come see this before I flush it.”
You might be a Redneck, if your Neighbor buys a Spotlight for his truck and you ask if you can go with him when he goes hunting.
Aug 24, 2021 03:30:35 #
Barnacles wrote:
Y’all might be a redneck if....... br br +Motel 6... (show quote)
Thanks Barnacles i am on my way to work and will get these tonight
Aug 24, 2021 06:45:13 #
Aug 24, 2021 08:46:41 #
Slimshady
Loc: Central Pennsylvania
True story. Went to install an oil boiler in a house. Walked through the kitchen and the home owner had a Chevy transmission torn apart on the kitchen table
Aug 24, 2021 10:31:48 #
Well, I guess I've done a little bit like that. I've overhauled a carburetor on the kitchen table once.
Aug 24, 2021 13:20:23 #
If you are on a canoe trip and your wife doubles as a trolling motor, until someone 👉 out that you're dragging your feet in the water and fishing.
Aug 24, 2021 13:32:01 #
Aug 24, 2021 15:13:46 #
Y'all might be a redneck if....
+ You’ve put a trolling motor inside a stock tank to use as a hot tub.
+ You’ve put a trolling motor inside a stock tank to use as a hot tub.
Aug 25, 2021 01:02:35 #
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