Saturday jokes
Jun 5, 2021 12:59:41 #
The was a man who had four kids, all gorgeous, except for the youngest one, Craig, who was nothing short of gruesome. While on his deathbed, the husband asked his wife, “Marie, tell me one thing. And please be honest. Am I Craig’s father?”
“Yes, honey,” replied his wife. “I promise you, Craig is 100 percent yours.”
“I can die a happy man. Goodbye my love.”
And the man peacefully passed away.
Marie gave a big sigh and said quietly, “Thank God he didn’t ask me about the other three.”
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side.The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?”
“It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience.
The man said, “Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew.”
“Really?” said the ringmaster. “Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?”
“Yes he did,” the man replied.
“And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?”
“Yes he did,” the man replied.
“And have you ever stuck your head in a lion’s mouth?”
“Just once,” the man replied.
The ringmaster asked, “Why only once?”
The man said, “I was looking for my father.”
“Yes, honey,” replied his wife. “I promise you, Craig is 100 percent yours.”
“I can die a happy man. Goodbye my love.”
And the man peacefully passed away.
Marie gave a big sigh and said quietly, “Thank God he didn’t ask me about the other three.”
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair.Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side.The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?”
“It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience.
The man said, “Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew.”
“Really?” said the ringmaster. “Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?”
“Yes he did,” the man replied.
“And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?”
“Yes he did,” the man replied.
“And have you ever stuck your head in a lion’s mouth?”
“Just once,” the man replied.
The ringmaster asked, “Why only once?”
The man said, “I was looking for my father.”
Jun 6, 2021 10:03:41 #
Jun 6, 2021 14:37:10 #
Jun 6, 2021 18:00:55 #
Jun 6, 2021 23:56:55 #
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.