badbobby Loc: Humble Texas

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller



Cleaning your house while your kids
are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is
because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller



Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:
Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made
the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller



I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller



Most children threaten at times
to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller



Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab
without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller



Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller



What I don't like about office Christmas parties
is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller



The only time I ever enjoyed ironing
was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller



His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller



Old age is when the liver spots
show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller



I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller



Tranquillizers work only if you follow
the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller



I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep
your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller



You know you're old if they have
discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller

flyguy Loc: Lake Onalaska, Sunfish Capitol of the World!

She was a honey!

bahmer Loc: Northern Illinois Rockford

Amen and Amen all are good there badbobby thanks for the laughs.

badbobby Loc: Humble Texas

you
re always there for me bahm

bahmer Loc: Northern Illinois Rockford

We just have the same warped sense of humor is all.

ripogenu Loc: norfolk, MA

there's nothing "warped" about our sense of humor, we all just appreciate the way you can play with words, and restate the obvious. Phyllis, Jackie Mason, Steven Wright, Red Skelton, Groucho Marx, George Burns, Jeez I could go on for a long time here..................... "I like my cigar but I take it out once in a while"

NoCal Steve Loc: Dunnigan, CA

Thanks BB.... she was one funny lady. Got any Carol Burnett jokes?

Flytier Loc: Wilmington Delaware

From the days when obscene and funny weren't synonyms

Fish Dancer Loc: Guntersville, Alabama

Loved Phyllis Diller. One funny lady.

CoDen Loc: Little R, SC

She was funny. A lot of laughs.
🌴😎🌴

ripogenu Loc: norfolk, MA

She paved the way for the likes of Rosanne, Wanda and Ellen Degenerate.

NoCal Steve Loc: Dunnigan, CA

Rip.... huh? I need more information to make that connection please.

ripogenu Loc: norfolk, MA

they are all female comedians who got a shot because she opened the door for CRAZY!

badbobby Loc: Humble Texas

shall check

NoCal Steve Loc: Dunnigan, CA

Sorry! I misunderstood what you meant. Not much of a Ellen D fan myself.