new year jokes
Jan 3, 2021 09:39:54 #
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in ‘Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?”
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.
The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”
The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”
Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.” The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough water, it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.”
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher, “Do farts have lumps?” The teacher looks at him and says, “No, but that isn’t really question you want to ask in class discussion.”
So the student replies, “Then I’ve definitely shit in my pants.”
Susie: My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.
Jane: My mother always taught me to beware of the man that can fix everything. You’ll never get anything new.
A French, a German, and an Italian spy are captured one day.
The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions, and gives up all of his secrets.
The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.
They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.
The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.
The Italian spy says, ” I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands.”
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.
The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”
The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”
Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.” The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough water, it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.”
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher, “Do farts have lumps?” The teacher looks at him and says, “No, but that isn’t really question you want to ask in class discussion.”
So the student replies, “Then I’ve definitely shit in my pants.”
Susie: My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.
Jane: My mother always taught me to beware of the man that can fix everything. You’ll never get anything new.
A French, a German, and an Italian spy are captured one day.
The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions, and gives up all of his secrets.
The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.
They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.
The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.
The Italian spy says, ” I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands.”
Jan 3, 2021 10:37:10 #
Jan 3, 2021 11:30:45 #
Ronniejw wrote:
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables ... (show quote)
Always bringing a smile and a chuckle, thanks Ronnie.
Jan 3, 2021 11:39:38 #
Jan 4, 2021 08:06:58 #
Frank romero
Loc: Clovis, NM
Ronniejw wrote:
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables ... (show quote)
Thanks for the laughs. I loved them all
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