latest funnies
Nov 23, 2020 11:17:37 #
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted an attractive young lady.
He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?”
The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I would try the ATM in the lobby.
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she whispered. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. “Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: “One, two, three, four. Oh, you’re right.”
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, “The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families.”
The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained 6 new families.”
The Presbyterian pastor said, “Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!”
A college student picked up his date at her parent’s home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu – appetizers, lobster, champagne… the works.
Finally, he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?”
“No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid.”
He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?”
The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I would try the ATM in the lobby.
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she whispered. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. “Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of bed and counted again: “One, two, three, four. Oh, you’re right.”
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, “The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families.”
The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained 6 new families.”
The Presbyterian pastor said, “Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!”
A college student picked up his date at her parent’s home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu – appetizers, lobster, champagne… the works.
Finally, he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?”
“No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid.”
Nov 23, 2020 11:41:26 #
bahmer
Loc: Northern Illinois Rockford
Ronniejw wrote:
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spot... (show quote)
Very good thanks for the laughs.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nov 23, 2020 12:06:05 #
Ronniejw wrote:
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spot... (show quote)
Oh, very good Ronnie, now lets see, 4 + 6 = 10, got it.
Nov 23, 2020 12:21:11 #
Nov 23, 2020 12:25:15 #
Nov 23, 2020 12:27:26 #
Great stories, and some that I've never seen. Just Sayin...RJS
Nov 23, 2020 12:30:37 #
Nov 23, 2020 13:33:43 #
Ronniejw wrote:
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spot... (show quote)
the lass had her priorities
Nov 23, 2020 14:09:12 #
FixorFish
Loc: SW Oregon
My late father, a United Methodist minister, would have roared with laughter at the revival one.
I remember a night when my Dad came home from a wedding rehearsal at the church and Mom asked him "how'd it go?" He replied, "as well as could be expected, sorry I'm late". Mom says, "I know you were a bit worried about this couple, do you still have quandaries?" Dad replied..."No, I am REALLY happy they are marrying EACH OTHER, though.......it would have been an awful shame to ruin TWO families !"
He then turned to us kids and said..."You can repeat that after I am in my grave... not a minute sooner, ......understood ?" LOL.
I remember a night when my Dad came home from a wedding rehearsal at the church and Mom asked him "how'd it go?" He replied, "as well as could be expected, sorry I'm late". Mom says, "I know you were a bit worried about this couple, do you still have quandaries?" Dad replied..."No, I am REALLY happy they are marrying EACH OTHER, though.......it would have been an awful shame to ruin TWO families !"
He then turned to us kids and said..."You can repeat that after I am in my grave... not a minute sooner, ......understood ?" LOL.
Nov 24, 2020 09:14:47 #
badbobby wrote:
the lass had her priorities
bb get it straight, men have priorities, women have agendas. If you say it right, that last part of the sentence explains itself. (hint: women havagendas)
Nov 24, 2020 15:05:55 #
Bog Irish wrote:
bb get it straight, men have priorities, women have agendas. If you say it right, that last part of the sentence explains itself. (hint: women havagendas)
thought you meant vaginas
for a minute
Nov 24, 2020 15:24:00 #
Nov 25, 2020 00:09:05 #
harleypiker
Loc: WA
Young lady to her boyfriend: "there sure are going to be a lot of unhappy men when I get married".
Boyfriend: "just how many men do you intend to marry"?
Boyfriend: "just how many men do you intend to marry"?
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