asinine fish stories
Sep 7, 2020 13:19:53 #
A book never written: “Saltwater Fishing” by Barry Cuda.
Zoey: What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Beth: Beats me.
Zoey: Something catchy!
plum: What do you get when you cross a fishing lure with a gym sock?
Oz: I don’t know. What?
plum: A hook, line and stinker!
Daffynition: Fishing dock—A surgeon on vacation.
little Katrinagirl and her mom were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Kat proudly dangled it before her mom.
“No, honey, it won’t do for bait,” she said. “It’s not an earthworm.”
“It’s not?” Kat asked, her eyes wide. “What planet is it from?”
Fourchon: Why did Canuckus Deplorabus and BadFisherman quit going fishing together?
Fred Fish: Why?
Four: Because BF ate all the worms!
Yankee: Why did Fud Pucker stop fishin after catchin two bass?
Barnacle: Search me. Why?
Yankee: He had only two worms.
Game warden: Didn’t you see the no-fishing sign, son?
CDB: I’m not fishing, sir. I’m teaching these worms how to swim!
Beth: What do you call a fish that won’t shut up?
Zoey: I’m stumped.
Beth: A big-mouthed bass!
Hunter m22: “Pass me the shellfish,” hunter said crabbily.
A book never written: “How to Fish” by Will Ketchum.
Big A: Where do goldfish go on vacation?
bb: Where?
Big: Around the globe!
Iowa Farmer: How do fish get from place to place
Archie: I don’t know. How?
IF: By golf carp!
Gordon: Why do fish swim in schools?
Egg head: I don’t know.
Gordo: Because they can’t walk!
Randy Hartford: Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
Fish Dancer: I don’t know. Why?
Randy: Because they have their own scales!
RJS: Where do fish keep their money?
Stuco: Where?
RJ: In a riverbank.
Audigger: How do you communicate with a fish?
Jeremy: I don’t know.
Audi: Drop it a line!
A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money. One night Cam knocks on its door. A monk answers. Cam asks, “Are you the fish friar?”
“No,” he replies. “I’m the chip monk.”
Ivey: Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
Saw: Where?
Ivey: The bobber shop.
Old Salt: What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument?
Spirit: What?
OS: A bass drum.
Weekend Hooker: Waiter, waiter, what’s wrong with this fish?
Waiter: Long time no sea, ma'am
.
Ghanes: What is a fish’s favorite show?
bb: What?
hanes: “Name That Tuna.”
Stuco: What does every fisherman want?
FredFish: What?
Stuco: A gillfriend.
.
bb: Did you hear about the fight at the seafood restaurant?
wulffy: No, what happened?
bb.: Two fish got battered!
Zoey: What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Beth: Beats me.
Zoey: Something catchy!
plum: What do you get when you cross a fishing lure with a gym sock?
Oz: I don’t know. What?
plum: A hook, line and stinker!
Daffynition: Fishing dock—A surgeon on vacation.
little Katrinagirl and her mom were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Kat proudly dangled it before her mom.
“No, honey, it won’t do for bait,” she said. “It’s not an earthworm.”
“It’s not?” Kat asked, her eyes wide. “What planet is it from?”
Fourchon: Why did Canuckus Deplorabus and BadFisherman quit going fishing together?
Fred Fish: Why?
Four: Because BF ate all the worms!
Yankee: Why did Fud Pucker stop fishin after catchin two bass?
Barnacle: Search me. Why?
Yankee: He had only two worms.
Game warden: Didn’t you see the no-fishing sign, son?
CDB: I’m not fishing, sir. I’m teaching these worms how to swim!
Beth: What do you call a fish that won’t shut up?
Zoey: I’m stumped.
Beth: A big-mouthed bass!
Hunter m22: “Pass me the shellfish,” hunter said crabbily.
A book never written: “How to Fish” by Will Ketchum.
Big A: Where do goldfish go on vacation?
bb: Where?
Big: Around the globe!
Iowa Farmer: How do fish get from place to place
Archie: I don’t know. How?
IF: By golf carp!
Gordon: Why do fish swim in schools?
Egg head: I don’t know.
Gordo: Because they can’t walk!
Randy Hartford: Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
Fish Dancer: I don’t know. Why?
Randy: Because they have their own scales!
RJS: Where do fish keep their money?
Stuco: Where?
RJ: In a riverbank.
Audigger: How do you communicate with a fish?
Jeremy: I don’t know.
Audi: Drop it a line!
A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fish-and-chips business to raise money. One night Cam knocks on its door. A monk answers. Cam asks, “Are you the fish friar?”
“No,” he replies. “I’m the chip monk.”
Ivey: Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
Saw: Where?
Ivey: The bobber shop.
Old Salt: What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument?
Spirit: What?
OS: A bass drum.
Weekend Hooker: Waiter, waiter, what’s wrong with this fish?
Waiter: Long time no sea, ma'am
.
Ghanes: What is a fish’s favorite show?
bb: What?
hanes: “Name That Tuna.”
Stuco: What does every fisherman want?
FredFish: What?
Stuco: A gillfriend.
.
bb: Did you hear about the fight at the seafood restaurant?
wulffy: No, what happened?
bb.: Two fish got battered!
Sep 7, 2020 13:39:13 #
BadFisherman
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
badbobby wrote:
A book never written: “Saltwater Fishing” by Barry... (show quote)
Good 'uns, BB...but, kind'a asinine. 
Sep 7, 2020 13:59:04 #
badbobby wrote:
A book never written: “Saltwater Fishing” by Barry... (show quote)
Asinine,maybe. Funny, definitely. Thanks BB.
Sep 7, 2020 14:13:24 #
Sep 7, 2020 14:34:34 #
Sep 7, 2020 14:37:35 #
BadFisherman
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
EasternOZ wrote:
LOL
Covered a lot of territory there bb.
Covered a lot of territory there bb.
He really did.
Sep 7, 2020 14:38:49 #
badbobby wrote:
A book never written: “Saltwater Fishing” by Barry... (show quote)
plum: What does the pope eat during lent?
bb: What?
Plum: Holy mackerel!
Sep 7, 2020 14:39:57 #
BadFisherman
Loc: Lake Whitney, Texas
plumbob wrote:
plum: What does the pope eat during lent?
bb: What?
Plum: Holy mackerel!
bb: What?
Plum: Holy mackerel!
Good 'un. It's hard to see how BB missed that one, Plum 
Sep 7, 2020 14:41:38 #
BadFisherman wrote: Good 'un. It's hard to see how BB missed that one, Plum
Good 'un. It's hard to see how BB missed that one, Plum I bet he will have more later.
Sep 7, 2020 14:42:29 #
Sep 7, 2020 14:44:41 #
plumbob wrote:
plum: What does the pope eat during lent?
bb: What?
Plum: Holy mackerel!
bb: What?
Plum: Holy mackerel!
thank you plum
you are always there for me
Sep 7, 2020 14:47:21 #
Fresh Bait
Spirit had been out on the ice all day without seeing a single fish. Not even a nibble. He decides that today’s not the day and starts to pack up, when this old guy known as Saw1 walks up.
Without saying a word, he cuts a hole a few feet from Spirit and immediately catches a fish.
Saw coughs, baits his hook, and within seconds, there’s another fish on his line. This happens two, three times within as many minutes.
Spirit can’t believe his eyes. He’s been out here all day without seeing a single fish. He walks over to the man and asks, “What’s your secret?”
“Woohattakipowrmwm” the Saw answers back.
“What did you say?” replies Spirit.
Saw looks over, spits out a mouthful of worms on the ice and says, ”You have to keep your worms warm.”
Spirit had been out on the ice all day without seeing a single fish. Not even a nibble. He decides that today’s not the day and starts to pack up, when this old guy known as Saw1 walks up.
Without saying a word, he cuts a hole a few feet from Spirit and immediately catches a fish.
Saw coughs, baits his hook, and within seconds, there’s another fish on his line. This happens two, three times within as many minutes.
Spirit can’t believe his eyes. He’s been out here all day without seeing a single fish. He walks over to the man and asks, “What’s your secret?”
“Woohattakipowrmwm” the Saw answers back.
“What did you say?” replies Spirit.
Saw looks over, spits out a mouthful of worms on the ice and says, ”You have to keep your worms warm.”
Sep 7, 2020 14:48:41 #
BadFisherman wrote:
Heaven forbid. 
I am counting on it. Laughter is Good.
Sep 7, 2020 14:58:51 #
plumbob wrote:
Fresh Bait br br Spirit had been out on the ice a... (show quote)
Saw
I will be more than happy to assist you in your suit against plum
for that slander
BTW
wher'ed
you learn that trick???
Sep 7, 2020 15:01:42 #
badbobby wrote:
Saw
I will be more than happy to assist you in your suit against plum
for that slander
BTW
wher'ed
you learn that trick???
I will be more than happy to assist you in your suit against plum
for that slander
BTW
wher'ed
you learn that trick???
Heard fourchun taught him everything about southern fishing tricks.
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