I can't figure this one out: Maybe you folks can sort this one out. My ex father-in-law died in his sleep sometime Sunday night. I knew him for 20 years when I was married to his...

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

Maybe you folks can sort this one out.

My ex father-in-law died in his sleep sometime Sunday night. I knew him for 20 years when I was married to his daughter.

He could easily charm anyone he met and put a great face on in public or in groups of people. I knew another side of the man. I learned most of it from my wife(his daughter).

He was physically and verbally abusive to his wife for most of their 45+ years of marriage. She died a little over a year ago after battling cancer for years.

I saw signs of his anger and violence but for the most part he kept it hidden. A heart problem mellowed him some in later years. In my opinion, he was the definition of a sociopath.

Part of me is glad he is gone. He threatened me physically at a very difficult time in my life. He was a hard man to take. But, part of me feels a bit sorry he is gone. He was a grandfather to two of my kids.

These feelings are hard for me to sort out. I wanted him to feel the pain he inflicted on others.

Got any answers or thoughts on this one? Thanks.

Graywulff Loc: Cortez,Co.

ghaynes1 wrote:

Maybe you folks can sort this one out. br br My e... (show quote)

The only thing I have ever learned when someone like that in my life has passed on is to thank God that by their example I have seen how NOT to live my life. To deal with the negative issues so that they don't take over my thoughts or behaviors. To be glad they are no longer capable of doing harm is a good thing. To be sad that yet another life appears to have been wasted is also a good thing. I just try to say a prayer and let it all go!

Randyhartford Loc: Lawrence, Kansas

ghaynes1 wrote:

Maybe you folks can sort this one out. br br My e... (show quote)

Hey Greg,
These are my thoughts/opinions based on my experiences and what I’ve been taught.
For the grandkids’ sake, try to emphasize whatever good things he did or positive lessons you may have learned from him. For your OWN sake, try your best to forgive him if you possibly can.
Matt. 6:14-15 says : For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; But it ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
In the end, you will be glad you did .

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

Two of my best friends on this site with words to help me. I guess I'm not surprised. Thanks guys. You've helped.

Stay healthy. All the best for you both.

E.pa.al Loc: Martin's Creek

Tough one g,i say forgive because thats what i was taught.doesnt mean u have to forget
If there was any good,try & use that in a positive format
You'll make the right decision
Be safe buddy!!

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

E.pa.al wrote:

Tough one g,i say forgive because thats what i was taught.doesnt mean u have to forget
If there was any good,try & use that in a positive format
You'll make the right decision
Be safe buddy!!

Thanks E. Would still like to meet you at Gettysburg when this virus thing settles down. Stay safe.

teabag09 Loc: Chesapeake, Virginia

E.pa.al wrote:

Tough one g,i say forgive because thats what i was taught.doesnt mean u have to forget
If there was any good,try & use that in a positive format
You'll make the right decision
Be safe buddy!!

Very good advice here. Go the forgiveness route for your sake, he and she are gone so holding him to account now is only going to weigh on you. Let it go, you'll be better off for it. Mike

Fish Dancer Loc: Guntersville, Alabama

ghaynes1 wrote:

Maybe you folks can sort this one out. br br My e... (show quote)

Hi Greg. I don’t have any answers but I have some thoughts about a person like that that I should probably keep to myself. I will say that Wulffy and Randy summed it up very well as to how you should deal with your feelings on this. If he was good to the grand kids and they loved him then feeling bad for them would be understandable. I will keep you in my thoughts. 🙏

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

teabag09 wrote:

Very good advice here. Go the forgiveness route for your sake, he and she are gone so holding him to account now is only going to weigh on you. Let it go, you'll be better off for it. Mike

Thnx Mike. I'm trying.

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

Fish Dancer wrote:

Hi Greg. I don’t have any answers but I have some thoughts about a person like that that I should probably keep to myself. I will say that Wulffy and Randy summed it up very well as to how you should deal with your feelings on this. If he was good to the grand kids and they loved him then feeling bad for them would be understandable. I will keep you in my thoughts. 🙏

I have those thoughts too Fish. Kinda conflicted. Thnx for feedback. Give Lynny a hug for me.

Fish Dancer Loc: Guntersville, Alabama

ghaynes1 wrote:

I have those thoughts too Fish. Kinda conflicted. Thnx for feedback. Give Lynny a hug for me.

Will do. Hug your sweetie too.

OJdidit Loc: Oak Creek Wisconsin

ghaynes1 wrote:

Maybe you folks can sort this one out. br br My e... (show quote)

Hi Greg,
You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. No need to carry the burden on your shoulders. Do your best to focus on the kids and by helping them, you can help yourself. I wish you well. It will get better in time if you can celebrate the good and forgive the bad.
Good luck my friend!

troyfrd1 Loc: Hampstead,NC

Not much to say that hasn’t been said already so forgive and pray that you can move on in love and grace mostly for your kids

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

OJdidit wrote:

Hi Greg,
You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. No need to carry the burden on your shoulders. Do your best to focus on the kids and by helping them, you can help yourself. I wish you well. It will get better in time if you can celebrate the good and forgive the bad.
Good luck my friend!

Thanks OJ. Stay safe bud.

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

troyfrd1 wrote:

Not much to say that hasn’t been said already so forgive and pray that you can move on in love and grace mostly for your kids

Thanks troy.