DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Hi guys,

I hope everyone is having a good day today. I'm praying my end gets better.

I've been having a hard time the last week, with the holidays at hand and the new year brewing. I have alot on my mind lately and even though I've made a ton of progress the last few years, I've caused myself alot of pain in the past.. progress mentally doesnt necessarily mean that I dont still feel the remnants of my traumatic past. That's MY stuff though, and I'm dealing with it. Barely.

However, my wife's stuff has to be delt with too.. she got her job which is amazing, but now I have to take care of kiddo during the day and I have to skip my normal groups and appts.. so its proving rough with no support.

My mother and father on the other hand.. man, I just dont know. My mom and dad have been married 42 yrs December 10th. They've been having serious marital troubles the last year, my dad turned 70 and lost his mind it seems. Hes being unfaithful with other women, and hes treating my mother like crap. I've voiced all of this on here, venting before.. this morning my mom calls me up and says that dads divorcing her. Shes tried talking to lawyers but I guess no one will take her case. My dad is a disabled vet so he has the VA on his side, where my mom has no one except me, smh. I want to help her, but I dont even know where to start or what to say... this all just blows my mind.

Have any of y'all ever had to deal with a dissolved long term marriage divorce? Would anyone have any decent advice? I'm reaching here..

Spiritof27 Loc: Lincoln, CA

Something's up with your mom. It's hard for me to believe that a lawyer won't "take her case". Why in the world not? You need to look into that. She's going to need someone to represent her. I don't have any advice for you other than that. Try not to take sides - there's always two sides to every story. And give whatever support you can to each of them.

Helen Loc: Originally from Ohio, on Lake Erie. Now Fl i

Has your dad seen a doctor recently? Sometimes the beginning stages of dementia can result in erratic Behavior and a change in personality. I would suggest for starters, that you and your mom talk to your dad's doctor and see if there are any issues that the doctor can clarify for you. As to your mom's case and needing legal advice there's an organization that provides low-cost legal advise or even or even free legal advice and assistance two people in your mom's situation. Able is one such organization it stands for advocates for basic legal equality. They don't take divorce cases as such but they can certainly help your mother find someone who will take her case pro bono. Good luck with dealing with all of this stuff and with helping your mom.

audigger53 Loc: Severn, MD

Actually, she may find out that he has to pay for her lawyer also. I know it was that way in Texas. And at 42 years, everything is co-mingled. She will get 1/2 of everything and alimony as well. Having said that, she needs a lawyer anyway to prove his mental state. Dementia is nasty.

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

Some solid advice on here Denny. Not much I can add but divorce lawyers will take anyone's case if you have that retainer up front.

With regard to your other challenges at home, not sure what your past issues have been but private message me. I may have some suggestions based on my own history that can help you. This is a tough time of year for a lot of us. Feel free to contact me privately in you are so inclined.

Reassure your mom that she will be okay. None of us can control another person's choices. Sounds like dad should be evaluated for sure but can't force him to it unless it would be court ordered.

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Thanks G I will do that once I get home and settled.. "retainer"..."lawyers"..."Divorce"... all words i dont like..

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

I will check it out.. shes trying in a little bitty town so the lawyers up there probably dont wanna deal.. I agree she does need someone to help, I just need to find her that person I guess...

ghaynes1 Loc: Strawberry Plains, TN

Feel free. Been through the "D" thing myself.

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Thanks Helen, I will check into that..

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

This is a strait up MESS, and it's a mess I dont wanna play in.. I feel obligated, and that really, really sucks.

Spiritof27 Loc: Lincoln, CA

Denny I've heard it said that God will never give you a burden that you cannot bear. As a man of faith perhaps you should keep that in mind.

saw1 Loc: nor cal Windsor

Hey Denny. So sorry to hear this. How is your relationship with your Dad? Can you try to talk to him and find out more about what is goin on? Is there any way he, they, would consider counseling ? It couldn't hurt anything at this point. Good luck brother, you and both of them will certainly be in my prayers. Feel free to PM me if it will help you out any. Your brother in Christ. Steve

jrchop Loc: Comanche Oklahoma

Denny,I have no idea of your past, but with that being said my past would scare the best of all. I went to mental health counseling and with little resolved and black outs that nearly cost me my wife the facility recommended a course called EMDR to this day some nearly five years later I am yet to have a black out. It's definitely worth a try. Now I have a clearer view of everything I do. It didn't make the fish bight any better but it sure makes it more enjoyable. As for your parents divorce, I hope they can work things out, but if not there are government funded programs for that. In the last few states I've lived in Colorado, Washington, Nevada, Idaho and now Texas I can call 211 for any and all things legal to I cannot pay my electric or gas ect. I pray this works for you and you may find the help you need. God bless and good luck.

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Yes thank you for the reminder! I know a scripture that depicts this but the one I know is about temptation..

"God Will Not Tempt You Beyond What You Can Bear. No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians I believe..

Thanks again for the reminder.. this definitely fits in this situation as well. Temptation or struggle, they are one in the same..

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Thanks Steve.. my dad and I have spoke about this a few months ago, he wasnt talking about divorce then though.. I've been keeping my nose out of things on purpose. It's getting dang near impossible to do that now though, because he has full-support.. moneywise and lawyer-wise.. so I feel I need to help my mother. Shes pretty helpless, sick, and hes keeping her broke. Hes being very immature and just plain hurtful. Idk, but thank you for prayer...very necessary and appreciated. I will PM you in a lil while and fill in the rest (for advice and prayer reasons). Thanks again brother.