stolen short jokes
Dec 28, 2019 15:31:15 #
stole these from another forum
thought you might enjoy
AVOCADOS
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.
My work is done here.
WATER IN THE CARBURETOR
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the pool".
STATISTIC
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
THE PHONE
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.
"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth"
Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
Never limit yourself by what you think you know.
"Political correctness is facism dressed up as manners" - George Carlin
thought you might enjoy
AVOCADOS
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.
My work is done here.
WATER IN THE CARBURETOR
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the pool".
STATISTIC
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
THE PHONE
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.
"Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth"
Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
Never limit yourself by what you think you know.
"Political correctness is facism dressed up as manners" - George Carlin
Dec 28, 2019 15:35:37 #
Dec 28, 2019 16:03:16 #
That Carlin quote could get your post deleted as some may consider it political and offensive to snowflakes.
Dec 28, 2019 17:34:57 #
The most offensive, bullying jerks in the world are out there preaching tolerance. They have a view of how things should be and will tolerate no other.
Dec 28, 2019 17:38:06 #
JimRed wrote:
That Carlin quote could get your post deleted as some may consider it political and offensive to snowflakes.
It is winter
Dec 29, 2019 12:44:07 #
EasternOZ wrote:
It is winter
and the north wind is blowing
please guys,no political discussions
Dec 29, 2019 13:40:14 #
badbobby wrote:
and the north wind is blowing
please guys,no political discussions
please guys,no political discussions
And the weather rollercoaster starts here again.
Mild so far this winter.
Dec 29, 2019 14:38:03 #
badbobby wrote:
and the north wind is blowing
please guys,no political discussions
please guys,no political discussions
If it was political it would be hot air. Not north wind
Dec 29, 2019 16:01:46 #
I was only talking about persnickety people. No politic, no religion, no best deer rifle or bass plug or trout fly or whether a chevy is better than a ford or whether a dodge is better than either of them or the best boxer, football team, baseball team or fish to catch. Just persnickety people. It's the t***h, honest, no, really.
Dec 29, 2019 16:07:12 #
Dec 29, 2019 16:47:01 #
Nothing bad to say about Dodge or Cummins. I don't really like the newer pickups though. They have become so big they now have the turning radius of a ship.
Dec 29, 2019 16:56:42 #
Smokypig wrote:
Nothing bad to say about Dodge or Cummins. I don't really like the newer pickups though. They have become so big they now have the turning radius of a ship.
I had a 92 club cab Cummins it wasn't bad on turning, but my CC ford is horrible.
Dec 29, 2019 21:37:18 #
Dec 29, 2019 21:46:20 #
Smokypig wrote:
What happened to the pickup that would fit in a parking space?
Nothing happened to pickup but they do seem to be making the spaces smaller.
Dec 29, 2019 22:51:12 #
A standard pickup today is much larger than they used to be. Longer wheel base and longer vehicle.
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