When Funny Was Funny
Nov 1, 2019 15:33:54 #
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of 39th President, Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.It was here first. - Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. - Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it' s time for my nap. - Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing.It was here first. - Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. - Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it' s time for my nap. - Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
Nov 1, 2019 16:05:55 #
A committee is an organism with a given number of bellies, twice as many legs and no brains at all.
- Robert Heinlein
- Robert Heinlein
Nov 1, 2019 16:06:49 #
Nov 1, 2019 16:51:30 #
Nov 1, 2019 16:54:55 #
Smokypig wrote:
Harper Valley?
Held her spot in country music for a long time.
Nov 1, 2019 19:07:24 #
Nov 1, 2019 19:23:35 #
Nov 1, 2019 19:24:14 #
Graywulff wrote:
You have some very prestigious friends there Eastern. Kudos......
Lot of lost talents.
Nov 1, 2019 19:28:45 #
Nov 1, 2019 20:46:02 #
If you think you are too small to make a difference try sleeping with a mosquito in the room. Dalai Lama
Nov 2, 2019 13:44:45 #
FixorFish
Loc: SW Oregon
The fundamental cause of trouble in this world is that the stupid are cocksure, while the intelligent are full of doubt --- Bertrand Russell
Just always tell the truth... that way you don't have to remember what you said or who you said it to. ---- Mark Twain (and my Grandmother !)
Just always tell the truth... that way you don't have to remember what you said or who you said it to. ---- Mark Twain (and my Grandmother !)
Nov 2, 2019 13:50:17 #
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.