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laff a lot
Jul 18, 2021 12:40:11   #
badbobby Loc: Humble Texas
 
my dad hated me.I asked him how to get my kite to fly.he said"jump off a cliff"
I went to a massage parlor,it was self service
my wife has sex with me only for a purpose.last nite she used me to time an egg
its hard to stay married.my wife kisses the dog but wont drink out of my glass
last night wifey met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee.she was coming home
girl told me to come on over,no ones home.i went over,no one was home
a hooker once told me she had a headache
if it wasn't for pickpockets,i would have no sex life
I was making love to this girl and she started crying..i said
"are you going to hate yourself in the morning"?"no " she said"i hate myself now"
I had a girl friend so ugly they used her to cure sex offenders
my wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves
I am so ugly that when I stuck my head out the window I was arrested for indecent exposure
I came home early ,a guy was jogging naked.i asked him why.he said "you came home early"
my wife is such a bad cook the dog begs for alkaseltzer
I know that I aint sexy.when I put on my underwear I hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing
my wife is such a bad cook that we pray after eating
my wife talks to me during sex.last nite she called me from a motel
my folks were so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,i wouldn't have had anything to play with
its been a bad day.this morning I put on my shirt and a button fell off.i picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off.---i am afraid to go to the bathroom
I was so ugly as a tot that when I played in the sand box,the cat covered me up
I kmew my parents hated me.my bath toys were a radio and a toaster
I was so ugly that my mother never breast fed me---.she only liked me as a friend
I was so ugly that dad carried a picture of the kid that came with the wallet
when I was born the Dr told my parents"im very sorry,i did everything I could,but he survived anyhow"
I was so ugly ny mother had morning sickness after I was born
I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent dad a finger to prove they had me.dad said"i want more proof"
I was lost and went to a policeman."please help me find my parents' said
"I don't know son"he said"there are so many places for them to hide'
my made me join a bridge club.i jump next Tuesday
I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop the customers wanted to know how big I would get
I went to my Dr
every morning when I get up and look in the mirror ,I vomit.whats wrong with me"?'nothing 'he replied"your eyesights perfect"
some dog I have,i call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.his favorite chew toy is my arm.yesterday he went on the paper.i was reading it
I was so ugly they asked me to be a poster boy for birth control
my uncles dying wish was for me to be sitting in his lap.he was in the electric chair

GOLLY ,BUT I MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Reply
Jul 18, 2021 15:59:37   #
Fredfish Loc: Prospect CT.
 
badbobby wrote:
my dad hated me.I asked him how to get my kite to fly.he said"jump off a cliff"
I went to a massage parlor,it was self service
my wife has sex with me only for a purpose.last nite she used me to time an egg
its hard to stay married.my wife kisses the dog but wont drink out of my glass
last night wifey met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee.she was coming home
girl told me to come on over,no ones home.i went over,no one was home
a hooker once told me she had a headache
if it wasn't for pickpockets,i would have no sex life
I was making love to this girl and she started crying..i said
"are you going to hate yourself in the morning"?"no " she said"i hate myself now"
I had a girl friend so ugly they used her to cure sex offenders
my wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves
I am so ugly that when I stuck my head out the window I was arrested for indecent exposure
I came home early ,a guy was jogging naked.i asked him why.he said "you came home early"
my wife is such a bad cook the dog begs for alkaseltzer
I know that I aint sexy.when I put on my underwear I hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing
my wife is such a bad cook that we pray after eating
my wife talks to me during sex.last nite she called me from a motel
my folks were so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,i wouldn't have had anything to play with
its been a bad day.this morning I put on my shirt and a button fell off.i picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off.---i am afraid to go to the bathroom
I was so ugly as a tot that when I played in the sand box,the cat covered me up
I kmew my parents hated me.my bath toys were a radio and a toaster
I was so ugly that my mother never breast fed me---.she only liked me as a friend
I was so ugly that dad carried a picture of the kid that came with the wallet
when I was born the Dr told my parents"im very sorry,i did everything I could,but he survived anyhow"
I was so ugly ny mother had morning sickness after I was born
I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent dad a finger to prove they had me.dad said"i want more proof"
I was lost and went to a policeman."please help me find my parents' said
"I don't know son"he said"there are so many places for them to hide'
my made me join a bridge club.i jump next Tuesday
I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop the customers wanted to know how big I would get
I went to my Dr
every morning when I get up and look in the mirror ,I vomit.whats wrong with me"?'nothing 'he replied"your eyesights perfect"
some dog I have,i call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.his favorite chew toy is my arm.yesterday he went on the paper.i was reading it
I was so ugly they asked me to be a poster boy for birth control
my uncles dying wish was for me to be sitting in his lap.he was in the electric chair

GOLLY ,BUT I MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD
my dad hated me.I asked him how to get my kite to ... (show quote)


I knew they sounded familiar Bobby, thanks for the laughs.

Reply
Jul 18, 2021 17:31:27   #
dbed Loc: POMME DE TERRE LAKE MISSOURI
 
Rodney was great!!

Reply
 
 
Jul 18, 2021 23:39:25   #
Big A Loc: Mesa, Arizona
 
badbobby wrote:
my dad hated me.I asked him how to get my kite to fly.he said"jump off a cliff"
I went to a massage parlor,it was self service
my wife has sex with me only for a purpose.last nite she used me to time an egg
its hard to stay married.my wife kisses the dog but wont drink out of my glass
last night wifey met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee.she was coming home
girl told me to come on over,no ones home.i went over,no one was home
a hooker once told me she had a headache
if it wasn't for pickpockets,i would have no sex life
I was making love to this girl and she started crying..i said
"are you going to hate yourself in the morning"?"no " she said"i hate myself now"
I had a girl friend so ugly they used her to cure sex offenders
my wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves
I am so ugly that when I stuck my head out the window I was arrested for indecent exposure
I came home early ,a guy was jogging naked.i asked him why.he said "you came home early"
my wife is such a bad cook the dog begs for alkaseltzer
I know that I aint sexy.when I put on my underwear I hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing
my wife is such a bad cook that we pray after eating
my wife talks to me during sex.last nite she called me from a motel
my folks were so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,i wouldn't have had anything to play with
its been a bad day.this morning I put on my shirt and a button fell off.i picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off.---i am afraid to go to the bathroom
I was so ugly as a tot that when I played in the sand box,the cat covered me up
I kmew my parents hated me.my bath toys were a radio and a toaster
I was so ugly that my mother never breast fed me---.she only liked me as a friend
I was so ugly that dad carried a picture of the kid that came with the wallet
when I was born the Dr told my parents"im very sorry,i did everything I could,but he survived anyhow"
I was so ugly ny mother had morning sickness after I was born
I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent dad a finger to prove they had me.dad said"i want more proof"
I was lost and went to a policeman."please help me find my parents' said
"I don't know son"he said"there are so many places for them to hide'
my made me join a bridge club.i jump next Tuesday
I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop the customers wanted to know how big I would get
I went to my Dr
every morning when I get up and look in the mirror ,I vomit.whats wrong with me"?'nothing 'he replied"your eyesights perfect"
some dog I have,i call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.his favorite chew toy is my arm.yesterday he went on the paper.i was reading it
I was so ugly they asked me to be a poster boy for birth control
my uncles dying wish was for me to be sitting in his lap.he was in the electric chair

GOLLY ,BUT I MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD
my dad hated me.I asked him how to get my kite to ... (show quote)


You and me, both ! He was my absolutely favorite comedian !

Reply
Jul 19, 2021 04:26:37   #
Jarheadfishnfool Loc: Woodlake/Tulare ,Ca.
 
badbobby wrote:
my dad hated me.I asked him how to get my kite to fly.he said"jump off a cliff"
I went to a massage parlor,it was self service
my wife has sex with me only for a purpose.last nite she used me to time an egg
its hard to stay married.my wife kisses the dog but wont drink out of my glass
last night wifey met me at the front door wearing a sexy negligee.she was coming home
girl told me to come on over,no ones home.i went over,no one was home
a hooker once told me she had a headache
if it wasn't for pickpockets,i would have no sex life
I was making love to this girl and she started crying..i said
"are you going to hate yourself in the morning"?"no " she said"i hate myself now"
I had a girl friend so ugly they used her to cure sex offenders
my wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves
I am so ugly that when I stuck my head out the window I was arrested for indecent exposure
I came home early ,a guy was jogging naked.i asked him why.he said "you came home early"
my wife is such a bad cook the dog begs for alkaseltzer
I know that I aint sexy.when I put on my underwear I hear the fruit of the loom guys laughing
my wife is such a bad cook that we pray after eating
my wife talks to me during sex.last nite she called me from a motel
my folks were so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,i wouldn't have had anything to play with
its been a bad day.this morning I put on my shirt and a button fell off.i picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off.---i am afraid to go to the bathroom
I was so ugly as a tot that when I played in the sand box,the cat covered me up
I kmew my parents hated me.my bath toys were a radio and a toaster
I was so ugly that my mother never breast fed me---.she only liked me as a friend
I was so ugly that dad carried a picture of the kid that came with the wallet
when I was born the Dr told my parents"im very sorry,i did everything I could,but he survived anyhow"
I was so ugly ny mother had morning sickness after I was born
I was kidnapped and the kidnappers sent dad a finger to prove they had me.dad said"i want more proof"
I was lost and went to a policeman."please help me find my parents' said
"I don't know son"he said"there are so many places for them to hide'
my made me join a bridge club.i jump next Tuesday
I was so ugly when I worked in a pet shop the customers wanted to know how big I would get
I went to my Dr
every morning when I get up and look in the mirror ,I vomit.whats wrong with me"?'nothing 'he replied"your eyesights perfect"
some dog I have,i call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.his favorite chew toy is my arm.yesterday he went on the paper.i was reading it
I was so ugly they asked me to be a poster boy for birth control
my uncles dying wish was for me to be sitting in his lap.he was in the electric chair

GOLLY ,BUT I MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD
my dad hated me.I asked him how to get my kite to ... (show quote)

Some how hearing it from you Sir makes me laugh a little bit more !! Thanks,,,,,

Reply
Jul 19, 2021 14:13:58   #
badbobby Loc: Humble Texas
 
Jarheadfishnfool wrote:
Some how hearing it from you Sir makes me laugh a little bit more !! Thanks,,,,,


I'm always happy to help out a Marine

Reply
Jul 19, 2021 15:56:10   #
Big A Loc: Mesa, Arizona
 
badbobby wrote:
I'm always happy to help out a Marine


As any good Squid knows - they
can use all the help they can get !

Reply
 
 
Jul 23, 2021 14:05:29   #
FixorFish Loc: SW Oregon
 
He was one of a kind, to be sure. And the fact that he would rattle all these off in such a matter-of-fact way with no pause was just as funny. You found yourself absorbing the humor as a whole, mainly because no one can start guffawing over a single blurb... you would miss three others if you did !
Thanks, BB

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