joke time
Jun 19, 2021 11:49:02 #
A little girl and a little boy were at daycare one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Stevie, wanna play house?”
He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”
The girl replies, “I want you to communicate.”
He says to her, “that word is too big. I have no idea what it means.”
The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”
A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.
“I’m shocked!” she complained.
“This is three times what you normally charge.”
“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients.”
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.
“Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”
“I know,” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.”
Father: (at the hospital looking through the glass at the newly arrived babies) “Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn’t she adorable?”
Friend: “But your kid didn’t smile.”
Father: “I was talking about the nurse.
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, “I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what’s wrong with me?”
“Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor. “Do you drink much?”
“Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teetotaller. Never touch a drop.”
“How about smoking?” asked the doctor.
“Never,” replied the man. “Tobacco is bad and I have strong principles against it.”
“Well, uh,” asked the doctor, “Do you have much of a sex life?”
“Oh, no,” said the man. “Sex is sin. I’m in bed by 10:30 every night… always have been.”
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, “Well, do you have pains in your head?”
“Yes,” said the man. “I have terrible pains in my head.”
“OK,” said the doctor. “That’s your trouble. Your halo is on too tight.”
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.
“Get well quick….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”
He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”
The girl replies, “I want you to communicate.”
He says to her, “that word is too big. I have no idea what it means.”
The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”
A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.
“I’m shocked!” she complained.
“This is three times what you normally charge.”
“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients.”
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed To me has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination but found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.
“Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”
“I know,” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.”
Father: (at the hospital looking through the glass at the newly arrived babies) “Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn’t she adorable?”
Friend: “But your kid didn’t smile.”
Father: “I was talking about the nurse.
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, “I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what’s wrong with me?”
“Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor. “Do you drink much?”
“Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teetotaller. Never touch a drop.”
“How about smoking?” asked the doctor.
“Never,” replied the man. “Tobacco is bad and I have strong principles against it.”
“Well, uh,” asked the doctor, “Do you have much of a sex life?”
“Oh, no,” said the man. “Sex is sin. I’m in bed by 10:30 every night… always have been.”
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, “Well, do you have pains in your head?”
“Yes,” said the man. “I have terrible pains in my head.”
“OK,” said the doctor. “That’s your trouble. Your halo is on too tight.”
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.
“Get well quick….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”
Jun 19, 2021 13:33:32 #
Jun 20, 2021 08:45:12 #
kandydisbar
Loc: West Orange, NJ
Relating to the Senior who was prescribed medication for life, lol!
Jun 20, 2021 12:53:22 #
Ronniejw wrote:
A little girl and a little boy were at daycare one... (show quote)
thank you Ronnie
I needed cheerin up
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