jokes
Jan 22, 2021 11:15:23 #
My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
Three years after the honeymoon it appears their puppy love had matured.
“You don’t love me any more,” she sobbed. “You use to be so nice to me, and now you are always barking and growling.”
“What do you expect,” he demanded. “You’ve always got me in the doghouse.”
The well known concert pianist agreed to listen to a friend’s daughter play the piano. He was a very polite man and didn’t make a wry face, even though he wanted to.
“Do you think I should go to the conservatory in Paris?” she asked after she had finished.
“It can’t hurt,” he replied hastily. “There are many eligible bachelors there.”
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree”
“Bring them along” the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us also.”
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”
“Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high!”
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any proble
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
Three years after the honeymoon it appears their puppy love had matured.
“You don’t love me any more,” she sobbed. “You use to be so nice to me, and now you are always barking and growling.”
“What do you expect,” he demanded. “You’ve always got me in the doghouse.”
The well known concert pianist agreed to listen to a friend’s daughter play the piano. He was a very polite man and didn’t make a wry face, even though he wanted to.
“Do you think I should go to the conservatory in Paris?” she asked after she had finished.
“It can’t hurt,” he replied hastily. “There are many eligible bachelors there.”
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree”
“Bring them along” the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us also.”
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”
“Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high!”
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any proble
Jan 22, 2021 11:28:19 #
Lawyers always looking out for themselves.
Not all are bad, but the bad ones make the rest look bad.
Not all are bad, but the bad ones make the rest look bad.
Jan 22, 2021 14:30:06 #
kfsrmn
Loc: Lake Havasu AZ
A lawyer and a TV Evangelist died and were on the road to heaven. As they were walking the evangelist was bragging about the great reception he would get. Sure enough when they got to the gate it flew open and a throng rushed out, grabbed the lawyer and carried him in. The evangelist was in shock and asked St Peter what had just happened. St Peter said we have lots of evangelists but that is our first lawyer.
Jan 23, 2021 19:18:36 #
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