DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

I just got out of counseling and my counselor said something that may be true. He said that there is "too much vulnerability, and sometimes women think it as weaknesses.."

What are your thoughts on this? Kind of seems legit, and my psychiatrist said the same dang thing almost word for word.

Seems legit, because 4 weeks ago I told Trish some things... fears I had, ect.. because I was told to become vulnerable. Well, a week later, Trish took my car and moved out. Did the same thing I told her I feared. Smh.

Do you guys think relating fears to someone gives them some kind of leverage, either intentional or not..?

Graywulff Loc: Cortez,Co.

I am not a professional. That said, I believe deep down inside BELIEVE, that in a marriage relationship, no secrets, none, absolute trust in one another is crucial. I will probably be shot down all over the place for my opinion but it just seems to me that if you are ONE there should be no barriers. In the end though, you are the only one who can provide the answer to your question. God Bless you both Denny.

Raybies93

Only if they’re scumbags.

pinkham42 Loc: Casper, Wyoming

The only thing I can tell you is my wife and I base our marriage on Christian principles and values, and so forth. We are totally transparent with one another and it works for us. Like Graywulff said though I am not a professional.

Spiritof27 Loc: Lincoln, CA

If you are going to bare your soul so to speak you must be willing to bear the consequences. This is how we build trust. Or not. If both of you are truly willing to work toward improving your relationship, then this is how you do it, and one of the consequences of this might be that you find that you can't. You have to be willing to accept that if that is the case.

Pickle Loc: Duplin co, NC

A true relationship is not built on love but rather trust and if there is not trust there cannot be love. Those that take advantage of your trust do not deserve your love.

plumbob Loc: New Windsor Maryland

I am going with Graywulff with this one Denny. To reveal your deepest secrets and pains to a loved one takes trust which a marriage is built on is most definitely crucial.

If you trust one another to be as one then all is in the open with no secrets and together you face what life throws at you.

To use a persons fears, or secrets as a leverage to their benefit is as low as one can go. The trust was lost and vulnerabilities are in the open it only says one thing about the user of the leverage.

Big A Loc: Mesa, Arizona

Okay, Denny ! Not a 'shrink' here,
but someone who has had some considerable counseling for various reasons, including marital difficulties ! Sometimes, even if/when two people really love each other, situations arise that cannot be resolved ! The legal
term is 'Irreconcilable
differences', which simply
means that there exists certain
significant problems that seemingly can't be worked out !
Another term, 'diametrically opposed' means that your ideas/
viewpoints/attitudes on a particular matter are directly
opposite each other, making it
exceedingly difficult, if not
impossible, to reach a solution that's amenable to both
parties !Not saying you should
quit trying; just that you may
have to stand back far enough
to see 'the big picture', then
decide how best to proceed ! Sometimes 'shared custody'
is a better, more peaceful resolution than 'family unit',
as it gives both of you the time and space to best decide how
to 'go forward' from your current situation and also what would
be the best solution for all concerned !

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Wulffy, yes sir I believe the same. I asked this question though because today was supposed to be "marriage counseling" and Trish didnt want to go. She said it was too early in the morning (9am) for her to get ready and today is her last day off.. smh. And Bart, (my counselor AND our marriage counselor because we both trust him.) Bart brought it up this morning.. he thought this should be priority over a day off. So do I.

But Bart and I got to talking, and he seems to think I need to work on making myself happy, and NOT try so hard to "impress" Trish or try to "fix" everything with gusto.. he brought up that it may not be coincidence that Trish left me only a few days after voicing my fears and abandonment issues.. literally bore my soul to her, and she DID the same thing i told her i was afraid of. Almost like I gave her the idea or something.. also, she was a very abused person, and (this is total reaching, no proof of this) Bart says abused women my view certain vulnerabilities as weaknesses, whether cognitively or not consciously aware they're doing it or viewing it that way, their internals just tell them to run. That may be.. it would be a heck of a lot better if she would be less vague on what she plans to get out of this seperation.. she cant even give me a solid goal set she may have. Almost like shes got me on the stringer, waiting to let me go or kill me and take me home... (bad analogy).

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

You tell it like it is Spirit, thanks for being clear, good sir.. that's very solid advice. Thanks bud I appreciate it.

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Yes sir and that's what I think happened. I told her what I was struggling with and she went and did the WHOLE thing I feared.

The...whole...thing.

And she did that the day after she got her drivers license back, the day she started her new job, and the day i gave her the car.

She got her DL's. She got her job. She got a car. She got gone.

Maybe i am reading too much between the lines but if it walks, acts, and quacks like a duck...

Spiritof27 Loc: Lincoln, CA

Be strong Denny. We're all rooting for you on here.

Spiritof27 Loc: Lincoln, CA

Be strong Denny. We're all rooting for you on here.

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

Big, it sounds like you got nailed with those phrases more than once?! Lol..

"Sometimes shared custody is better..." that's what I'm holding on to my friend. Shes moved out, I'm not sure if she will come back either. So, all I can do is just like you said.. back up and look at the whole thing. My counselor basically said the same thing as you guys.. I need to take a look outward, as well as inward. Not to get all caught up in trying to "fix" everything and just do me for a minute and watch my six. So I'm gonna work on me, and hope hes right. He seems to think that if I stop chasing my tail so to speak, she will start to draw back to me. If she dont, I move on. I wont die, and things will still move forward with or without Trish and MAN that hurts like hell coming out of me.. life will go on I just need to learn from this so history does NOT repeat again. I'm so sick of these games and just want my best friend back.

DennyLongley Loc: Bay City Michigan

I can do that 😏👍.

I'm good at "strong". I'm not real good with patience tho.. and thank you for the encouragement.. "rooting for me" is why I value this site and you guys so highly.. I dont think I've ever encountered a better online community. Thanks again Spirit.

Hey, didnt you get a rod/reel combo for christmas or something? Am I thinking correctly? If so, have you tried it out yet??